“CONFLICT IN THE CHURCH”
(HOW TO GET THROUGH IT)
ACTS 6:1-7
YOU CANNOT AVOID IT
A ship was sailing past a remote island and discovered a man who had been stranded there alone for several years. They went ashore to rescue the man and noticed he had built three huts for himself. They asked him, “What is the first hut for?”
He said, “That’s my house.”
“Ok, what’s the hut on this side of your house”
“That’s my church.”
“Ok, so what’s that other hut on the other side for?”
“Oh… that. That’s the church I used to go to, but that church had a split.”
I imagine there are some people who could cause a split in a church even if they were the only member! Well, where more than one person is involved, there is the potential for conflict. I know this sounds hard to believe, but no matter how hard you try, you cannot avoid conflict in a church. In most cases, if a church is not in a conflict of some kind right now, they have just come out of one, been in one at sometime in their past, or about to go into one. I have heard some pastors say that their church is not in conflict and some have even stated that their church has never been in a conflict. Bless their hearts, they are either naive or in self-denial (I was at one time) because at most any time there is some kind of underlying discontent among at least one or more church members.
And, one or two disgruntled church members can make some noise! I heard a story about a farmer who came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could sell him a million frog legs. The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, “There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs – millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!” So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks. The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, “Well… where are all the frogs?” The farmer said, “I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!” Usually the ones who make the most noise negatively in a church are fewer in number than you think and than they think! But, they sure can get things stirred up.
The early church at Jerusalem had 11 of the original disciples on the ministerial staff of the church. What may be the greatest church ministerial staff in the history of Christianity had to deal with conflict (Acts 6:1). It was beginning to demand so much of their time that it was keeping them from spending time in the Word and in prayer (Acts 6:2,4), which should be a priority in the life of every minister if he leads a church and ministry to be what the Lord desires for it to be.
Even the disciples of the Lord experienced discord with one another (Luke 9:46; Matt. 20:24), one of Jesus’ disciples (Judas Iscariot) caused a major disturbance in the life of Christ and is remembered for his betrayal of Jesus, and the Lord dealt with critics and conflict initiators just about everywhere He preached (Luke 11:53; 20:1-2). The Apostle Paul and his ministry partner, Barnabas, had such a sharp disagreement with one another, when they were about to take their second missionary journey (Acts 15:37), that they separated from one another (Acts 15:38). Paul then chose Silas as his missionary partner and the church at Antioch committed them to the grace of the Lord (Acts 15:40).
THE MIRACLE OF BEING IN ONE ACCORD IS POSSIBLE BUT AS UNCOMMON AS A BLIND PERSON RECEIVING THEIR EYESIGHT OR SOMEONE BEING RAISED FROM THE DEAD
Every church certainly desires to be completely in one accord, but it is as uncommon as a blind person receiving their eyesight or someone being raised from the dead. Jesus performed such miracles and miracles can still happen. A miracle of a church being in one accord did happen when there was a conflict in the early church at Jerusalem. Now by the definition of what is considered a miracle, something pleasing everyone is not considered a miracle, but, to me, it is! It is recorded that it happened in Acts 6:3 with this one occasion. It happened again when a major conflict developed between Christians in the early days of the Church (Acts 15) and after much debate ended in their becoming of one mind (Acts 15:25).
A popular saying about unity in a church states, “You can please some of the people all the time; you can please all the people some of the time; but you can’t please all the people all the time.” From my four decades of experience in the ministry at several churches, I have experienced that “you can please some of the people most of the time; you can please most of the people some of the time; but you can’t please all the people at any time.” As hard as I have tried as a pastor, to provide an atmosphere that keeps unity and peace in a church, there just seems to be some kind of underlying discontent that will come to the surface periodically. And, the source is sometimes someone whom I would have never suspected, one with whom I had walked in sweet fellowship, and felt they were a close, trusted friend (Ps. 55:12-14).
YOU MUST APPROACH IT BIBLICALLY AS IT IS CLEARLY LAID OUT IN THE BIBLE AND KEEP PERSONAL PREFERENCES AND OPINIONS OUT OF IT
There is a process by which individual Christians and a church should deal with conflict. The biblical plan, laid out by Jesus, is recorded in Matthew 18:15-17. It is known as The Matthew 18 Principle. Conflicts, most often, are the result of misinformation and/or miscommunication. Whether that is the case or not,Christians talking to one another face to face privately often takes care of it (Matt. 18:15). Before it is taken “to the streets” (hallways of the church, phones of church members or Internet), the biblical way is for the ones at odds to first meet privately, one on one, face to face. If that does not resolve it, then the ones at conflict should meet with two or more others, who do not side either way, to get their advice and counsel. If it must go from there to the whole church, sides will be taken and you have division, which usually leads to a church split with one side leaving the church.
The spiritual leaders in the church are to find out all sides of the conflict. They need to learn the issues behind the conflict. But, they must look beyond all the personal preferences and opinions. The majority opinion is not really what should determine the outcome, but getting the mind of Christ on the matter and going with it is the right solution. Ideally, the majority will have the mind of Christ on any matter brought before the church. No matter how right a plan is for resolving a conflict, if the people are not supportive of it and some leaders cavil in with the ones who are unsupportive of the majority opinion, get ready for one of the ugliest situations you will ever be a part of. Again, it’s not a matter of your side or their side but being on God’s side. If you are on God’s side, things may not always be resolved peacefully, but you will be able to feel a sense of peace in the midst of such a raging storm and its after effects.
GET OVER IT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, MOVE ON BEYOND IT, AND BECOME BETTER BECAUSE OF IT
From my personal experience as a staff minister at a church where there was conflict that lead to a major schism with about three hundred people leaving the church, it took about ten years for things to come full circle. People who had become bitter and put out with each other became friends again, even close friends as they were before the conflict. And, some became members again of the church they left because of the conflict. The ten year process is one that I have observed with other churches that have gone through a major conflict which resulted in a church splitting and many leaving the church.
The conflict mentioned earlier, that led to the separation of the missionary team of Paul and Barnabas, was over Mark, who eventually authored the Gospel of Mark. Because he deserted them early on their first missionary journey, Paul did not want to take him along on the second journey. Barnabas, a relative of Mark, wanted to give him a second chance. Paul would not give in, so Barnabas took Mark with him on a missionary journey to Cyprus. Paul teamed up with Silas. But over a decade later, it is obvious that Paul has reconciled with Mark as he mentions Mark in the Book of Colossians (Col. 4:10) and that Mark was Barnabas’ cousin. Paul mentions in the Book of Philemon that Mark is his fellow worker (Philemon 22). About 13 years had passed between the writing of those two books and Mark leaving Paul and Barnabas on their first missionary. So, it probably was in the ten year range that it took for restoration to occur in the relationship between Paul and Mark.
Even though reconciliation and restoration can come over time after a major church conflict, things will never quite be the same once the conflict has done its damage. But, a church that has gone through a split can recover to a degree, although it is seldom that they reach the level in numbers that they had attained before the conflict. Even though some may think their side won the conflict, no one wins in a church conflict. So, don’t gloat if you feel you got what you wanted. Get over it as much as possible, and as has already been emphasized, it will take some time, maybe several years. But, move on beyond it and become better, not bitter, because of it. Place your focus and keep your focus on doing all to God’s glory, which is what we should always be doing.
Conflict in the church happens when one or more members get their focus on themselves and what they want. When members demand their rights, there is rebellion. But, when members carry out their spiritual responsibilities and focus on doing all to God’s glory, there is revival and consistent growth in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ.