BETRAYED BY A FELLOW CHRISTIAN

“BETRAYED BY A FELLOW CHRISTIAN”
(WHAT SHOULD YOU DO ABOUT IT?)
PS. 55:12-14

This message is about one of the most difficult concepts to even think about. I initially dealt with this subject in a sermon when I was 64 years old, 54 years after becoming a Christian. It took me all that time to finally get to the point of addressing this subject. I sat down one day and prayed to the Lord that He would give me this message because I knew it would minister to so many Christians. It did not take me very long to put together this message as I pondered about the times in my life when I had been betrayed by a fellow Christian. As a pastor one of the most difficult things I have had to help church members deal with is when a fellow church member has betrayed them in some way. Sometimes, there is fault on both sides, but there are times when someone is really innocent and has not done anything, but, for whatever reason, someone gets bent out of shape with them, and then they betray them in some way.

I want to take a passage from the Scriptures of a Psalm credited to David. Was he ever betrayed, at times! He was a man who did his best to take care of King Saul, went out on the King’s behalf and killed the enemy’s most feared warrior, Goliath, and helped to lead Israel to victory over the Philistines. David was as loyal to King Saul as one could be. But, after one of Israel’s victories, the song was sung by the celebrating Israelites that “Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands” (1 Sam. 18:7) David did nothing to personally bring attention to himself or influence the people to do that, but it caused Saul to be jealous, even to the point that he wanted David to be killed. And David had to “run for his life” for several years.

From that point on his life, some of those whom David had thought were his friends and loyal to him, turned on him and sought his capture and death. He was a man who knew betrayal in other ways with his own son, Absalom, seeking to overthrow his father as king, and the commander of David’s army went along with Absalom. Psalm 55 records David’s feelings about being betrayed by one who was among his closest friends. This is just one example of several Psalms where David poured out his heart over the hurt of being betrayed.

“My enemies are not the ones who sneer and make fun. I could put up with that or even hide from them. But it was my closest friend, the one I trusted most. We enjoyed being together, and we went with others to your house, our God” (Ps. 55:12-14 CEV).

I have only preached this message three times. First, in March 2015 at the church where I am pastor, Fellowship Baptist Church in Hernando, Mississippi, later that Fall at a revival service, and on A Fresh Start TV Program, initially aired in June 2015 and several times since then. I have preached many sermons throughout the years, about 5000 in person and on television, but this message has received more responses so soon after it was preached than any other I have preached.

IN MOST CASES, THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THEIR MIND THAT CAUSED THEM TO BETRAY YOU; ONLY GOD CAN DO IT

The first point I want to make is one that we really don’t want to hear. It is something that most Christians would not think is the case. But, in my experience of dealing with someone who has betrayed me and from listening to others who have been betrayed by a fellow Christian, it is this: in most cases, there’s nothing you can do to change their mind that caused them to betray you; only God can do it.

We often try to take matters into our own hands because we should naturally want to learn why a friend has betrayed us. And often, you are not even aware of what you have done that has caused them to betray you. At one of the churches where I was the pastor, I felt that I had a good relationship with a man in the church, but got word that he was going to come and whip me! I thought what on earth had I done that made a member of my church want to come beat me up. I was small compared to that man but I just was not going to put up with that, even if he did whip me! So, I told the man who told me about it to tell the man who made the threat that he knew where to find me. I asked the man who told me if he knew why the man wanted to whip me. I won’t go into the full details, but it involved someone moving an item, displayed in the lobby of the church, which that man had donated to the church which was very special to him. Well, I had nothing to do with removing it, and was not aware that it had been removed. The reason it had been removed temporarily is that the church was in a renovation project and the staff member who was over the renovation removed the item so that it would not be damaged, was keeping it in his office until the renovations were done, then was going to place it back on display. For whatever reason, the man who donated it thought that I was going to have it put somewhere else. I was completely innocent. I did not know a thing about it until it was brought to my attention. How sad that a man got so upset about what he thought was going to happen, that he did not check out before responding, and resolved that he was going to physically assault his pastor. Sometimes, when someone gets upset with you it is over something you don’t know anything about and you have done nothing to cause it.

Adding to one person being upset with you and betraying you, when others take up the offense for the one who betrayed you because they felt you wronged them, that is usually the point of no return as far as a peaceful resolve. I have seen it happen over and over again where someone has been at conflict with someone that they will get things worked out but the ones whom they feel betrayed someone with just cause, they are the ones who cant’ get over it. I learned that others who only knew what the man who wanted to whip me had told them were on his side as far as his putting me in my place for it. And, it goes the other way, where there are backers to the one who was betrayed by someone and they are taking up for that person. It is usually based on one side of a story heard instead of getting all the facts, like the man who thought I had removed his item he dedicated to the church.

THE TRUTH DOESN’T MATTER TO YOUR BETRAYER(S) AND THEIR BACKERS; THEY WANT TO WIN

There is usually another accompanying negative result of a fellow Christian betraying you. When a fellow Christian gets to the point they will betray you and blame you as the problem, the truth doesn’t matter to them and their backers; they want to win. Even someone who may have been your long time friend, once they get to the point of betraying you, they don’t care about the truth and it possibly showing them that they were wrong. They just want to win.

This is the type situation response I have learned. You just keep your mouth shut, you move on, and live for Christ as you should. In time, God will take care of it. When your betrayer gets to the point they want to win, the reality of it is that nobody wins. It has been amazing to me how people will support someone, based off what they were initially told, but when they are later told that is not the way it happened, and it is not the truth, they don’t care. They are going to back the one who betrayed you no matter what. And usually, in the process of trying to win they want to hurt you and anyone else who supports you as much as possible. Unbelievably that is how it tends to be. I hear stuff today about something that comes up in a church and someone says “Well, ol’ so and so said this,” although they never said it. Somebody puts a bug in their ear that makes them think someone said something and they will believe an outright lie and repeat it without ever confirming its accuracy.

PRAY THAT GOD WILL PROTECT YOU FROM YOUR SUPPOSED FRIENDS WHO BETRAYED YOU AND ALLOW YOU TO BE DISTANCED AND APART FROM THEM – vv. 6-8,16-18

When you have been betrayed by a fellow Christian, there is a step that you need to take. In Psalm 55:6-8 David said, “I wish I had wings like a dove, so I could fly away and be at peace. I would go live in some distant desert. I would quickly find shelter from howling winds and raging storms.” The best thing to do when betrayed to keep you from reacting in a manner similar to your betrayer is to pray that God will protect you from your supposed friends who betrayed you and allow you to be distanced and apart from them. In this psalm and others where David is praying to God about the effects of someone betraying him, he always asks God to protect him.

When I was a youth minister in my early ministry days, something happened with some parents who did not like something I did or didn’t do. I cannot remember exactly what it was about. But, I had not purposely tried to do something to get people upset with me. Wanda and I were young in the ministry and it hurt us. We just couldn’t believe that somebody would be upset with us and negatively talk about us that way. Another woman who did not work with the youth, and was a godly woman and prayer warrior in that church, shared with us a Scripture passage that she said God gave her for us. She came by our house to see us and said, “God gave me this Scripture and He wants me to share it with you.” Over the years now, I have found that passage is one many ministers have had someone share with them that it was for them. It is Isa. 54:15-17 which says, “whoever assembles against you will fall, no weapon formed against you will succeed, and every tongue that rises in false judgment against you God will condemn.” That was written for a different time in prophecy but God uses those Scriptures today to minister to us. There have been other times through the years in ministry situations where Wanda and I have been reminded of that passage and we will personalize it for the ministry situation we are experiencing. We have found that in most cases we don’t have to do anything but go about trying to serve the Lord, maintaining integrity and the right character, and let God work it out on our behalf.

When it comes to distancing yourself from your betrayer, the Bible says that when someone has gotten so deep in sin and is unrepentant, you should not even eat a meal with them. You ought to have a Christian witness with them, but do not get involved on an intimate basis of some kind with them. So, you need to do your part in distancing and avoiding those who betray you until there is repentance on their part and they seek reconciliation and restoration. In First and Second Corinthians (1 Cor. 5:11-12; 2 Cor. 5:5-8) they dealt with a man who had an adulterous affair with his daughter-in law, living openly in sin with her. Paul wrote to the Corinthians that they needed to remove them from the church. But in Second Corinthians he said that what they needed to do now is to restore them back into the fellowship of the church because there had been repentance on their part.

Today on Facebook and personal web sites you punish yourselves when someone has betrayed you and you keep clicking on to the Facebook page of the one who has betrayed you or the web site of a church where there has been conflict that caused you to leave the church. You might read a comment and think that it is directed at you, although it probably is not. And you get all upset again over it. You have to be careful about that. Don’t continue to try to see what is going on with your betrayer but turn them over to God. It is amazing to me how often God will work on our behalf and we don’t even know about. The Lord is doing something behind the scenes and He is taking care of the situation.

GO TO YOUR GETHSEMANE AND POUR YOUR HEART OUT TO GOD AND WITH THE FEW WHO WILL GO THERE WITH YOU

Another step you need to make when one has betrayed you is to go to your Gethsemane and pour your heart out to God and with the few who will go there with you. To Christ Gethsemane was that special place where He would go and pray when He was in Jerusalem. Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane praying on the night He was betrayed by Judas.

Where is a special place for you? When you have been betrayed by a fellow Christian or anyone else don’t put it out publicly before others. I read too often now on Facebook posts where someone has been betrayed or gets upset with someone else, and although they don’t give a specific name, those who know them know who they are talking about. That is not the way to do it. You become like your betrayer and using the techniques they use. Go to your private place of prayer, that special place for you, and get on your knees and pout out your heart to God.

At the church I pastor, we put in a Prayer Garden at our church, about a hundred yards in a grove of trees from our main building. We have three benches upon a circular walkway with a Cross in the middle and plants surrounding the area. It could be a special place for our church members to go to when betrayed, hopefully not by a fellow church member, and meditate and pray and turn it over to the Lord. Now Prayer Gardens are not the norm for churches, but many have Prayer Rooms. Just find a special place, your Gethsemane, that you can get away to. I knew a lady who put a chair in one of her walk-in closets, prayed there, and made it a prayer closet.

The Lord knew ahead of time what lay ahead for him, when He went to the Garden of Gethsemane yet He prayed, “Not my will but Thine” (Matt. 26:36-40). Though it was as difficult as anything He ever experienced, He believed He would make it through. But, He prayed not my will but Thy will be done. He asked God to help Him through and He did.

You learn who you can truly trust when you are going through the valleys of difficulties and desperation. In the life of Jesus there came a point in His ministry, as recorded in John 6:66, that nearly all of those deserted Him who were with the Lord that day and heard His teachings about being the Bread of Life, with the exception of His disciples and closest followers. When He was in the Garden of Gethsemane on the night He was betrayed, who was with Him? Peter, James, and John. Now they fell asleep, but they were there with Him in the Lord’s great hour of need. They were the ones Jesus wanted with Him in the Garden of Gethsemane. When He went in to heal Jairus’ daughter, and the people mocked Him saying “She’s dead,” the Lord wanted Peter, James, and John with him.

I am thankful that there are some Peter, James, and John’s and Mary’s and Martha’s who have been in my life, with Wanda and me, who are the people whom we know are going to stick with us, whom we can trust, who will be with us in those difficult times. When you have been betrayed by a fellow Christian, they are the friends who will be there so let them be with you to encourage you and help you through.

GET OVER IT, MOVE ON BEYOND IT, AND BECOME BETTER BECAUSE OF IT

A final step to make when someone has betrayed you which does not sound like the most sensitive thing you want to hear is to get over it, move on beyond it, and become better because of it. I came across this example while studying about the topic of betrayal that exhorts the one who has been betrayed to take the “high road.” For instance, if a fellow Christian doesn’t say “hello” to you in church, do you think you should begin the process Jesus outlined in Matthew 18:15-17 where you confront them first about it and then go to others if they don’t respond how you want them to, just over something like you were offended because they did not acknowledge you? The answer is, “No, you should work on becoming more like Christ yourself and less like a little baby who is offended so easily. Mature Christians overlook many things that offend others.” When you feel betrayed, instead of letting it get to you, it is a time to grow up. Maybe that is not what you want to hear, but grow up and get over it. It’s part of maturing in the faith and as a person.

My daughter attended a church awhile back where she was with a group talking to the church’s pastor after a worship service, when they overheard a man getting onto the pastor’s wife because she had not said “hello” to the man. He was chewing her out. I like what the pastor did. He said, “Excuse me” and went over to the man and told him a couple of ushers were going to escort him to his car and not to come back until his attitude changed. I like that! There are times a fellow Christian who does not act like a Christian should at church needs to be told, “You need to walk out the door and do an attitude check and get right.”

So, get over it, move on beyond and become better, not bitter, because of it. Look for alternative ways to move on in fulfilling God’s will with others to help you do so. A Fresh Start TV Program and Back To The Basics Ministries was birthed because I was betrayed by some fellow church members. So, I moved on and ministered somewhere else and in another way. Instead of fretting over the betrayer thank God for the true friends you have who stick with you through thick and then, focus on the good new friends you make, and the better circumstances God brings to you. It was not easy for me to go through being betrayed by some fellow church members but as I think of the scores of new friends, the new situations that have happened, what they meant for evil, God meant for good. God wants to do that in your life. Remember, when you have been betrayed by a fellow Christian, only God is the one Who can truly do something about it. You maintain a positive, victorious attitude so that you can say with me, “Thanks be to You, O God, Who gives us the victory through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Fellowship Baptist Church, Hernando
Sunday PM Sermon – March 29, 2015