The Official Blog of Dr. Bobby Mullins

CHRISTMAS WHATEVER SONGS

Years ago there was a major push to have the word “Christmas” removed from this time of the year to “Holiday” Season & “Holiday” trees so as not to be offensive to those who weren’t Christians. In a sermon I titled, “Christmas Without Christ,” preached on December 17, 2006 at Central Baptist Church in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, I illustrated what it would be like if you substituted the word “Whatever” for the word “Christmas” in some of the most well known secular & Christian Christmas songs. But, Jesus is the reason for the season & because of the reason He came to earth, as I heard a preacher say a long time ago, “Every day I live is Christmas & every breath I breathe is Easter.

I’m dreaming of a white Whatever;
Why can’t every day be like Whatever;
I’ll have a blue Whatever without you;
Have a holly jolly Whatever;
In the air there’s a feeling of Whatever/it’s Whatever time in the city (from Silver Bells); Although it’s been said many times, many ways Whatever to you (From the Christmas/Whatever Song);
We wish you a merry Whatever;
Oh, Whatever tree, Whatever tree;
I’ll be home for Whatever; Have yourself a merry little Whatever;
I’m getting nothing for Whatever;
All I want for Whatever is my two front teeth;
A tender Tennessee Whatever is the only Whatever for me;

See what that would be like, but that is how many want to make it today. Make it whatever you want the holidays to be, just keep Christ out of it. Do you see how silly it becomes if we make this Happy Whatever time? There would be no songs of Christmas, only about Whatever.

There would be no seasonal songs of faith to sing many times each year at Christmas and never get enough of. They don’t get old. Without Christ in Christmas, there would be no “silent night, holy night” because we would not be celebrating the birth of Christ. There would be no “little town of Bethlehem.” There would be no “away in the manger.” There would be no “I heard the bells on Christmas day.” There would be no “joy to the world, the Lord is come.” Just think about it, about all we would have to sing would be Jingle Bells, which there’s nothing wrong with that song. We could sing Winter Wonderland. Maybe, Deck The Halls with bows of holly. There are very few songs we could sing. We would not have these great songs we sing at Christmas. Christmas without Christ there would be no “amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.” I’ve heard that classic song of the faith performed at football games. Even people who aren’t Christians know the song. Judy Collins recording of it became Number One on the secular music charts in the 1970s.

A Christmas without Christ would mean there’d be no Amazing Grace. There would no “then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee, how great thou art.” Just think about it. No “grace, grace, God’s grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse within.” There would be no Hymn book. We would not have the new praise and worship choruses. Christmas without Christ, there would be no Christ, there would be no Savior about Whom to sing. Christmas without Christ, there would be no salvation to consider. There would be no heaven to look forward to.

But, Jesus is the reason for the season and because of the reason He came to earth, as I heard a preacher say a long time ago, “Every day I live is Christmas and every breath I breathe is Easter. Joy to the world, the Lord has come. Jesus is, always has been and always will be, the answer for the world today.

INTEGRITY IN MINISTRY: NO HIDDEN SKELETONS IN YOUR CLOSET
By Bobby Mullins

Several years ago, I met with a pastor search committee at a hotel in a city halfway between the four hundred miles that separated where I was pastoring at the time and where the church of the pastor search committee was located. My wife, Wanda, and I had met previously with the committee, but, for those who know the usual process, this was the meeting that would determine whether the pastor search committee asked me to come in view of a call to their church. Wanda, our three children, and I met for several hours in a hotel suite with the pastor search committee. We talked about a variety of subjects, relevant to families, churches, and society in general, in getting to know one another better. Then there a came time when one of the men on the committee said that he would like to ask some questions which they had prepared for me. For over an hour he systematically questioned me during what was the most intense and thorough interview I had ever been through. I was even asked a question, which some pastor search committees and secular hiring committees will be careful to no longer overlook in light of some recent public embarrassments. That question was, “Are the academic degrees you list on your resume ones you actually earned and received?” Three times near the end of the interview, the interviewer asked, “Are there any hidden skeletons in your closet that you can think of that we need to know about?”

I did become the pastor of that church, and later would refer jokingly on occasion to the pastor search committee member who did the questioning about the “grilling” he gave me that day. I later learned that I went through an interview and questioning time similar to that of Secret Service agents because a Secret Service agent, who was a member of that church, had provided the pastor search committee with the questions asked of potential Secret Service agents.

Why was that pastor search committee so thorough and personal in their questioning and evaluation of me? They wanted a pastor who was a man of integrity, whose life backed up who he claimed to be and what he professed to believe. They wanted no surprises or embarrassments to taint the reputation of their church and to hinder their witness for the Lord. They did their best up front to make sure the man they called to be their pastor would not be one who would disappoint them later on by his pastoral leadership, decisions, and manner in which he would conduct himself as a minister and as a man. In the forty plus years I have been in the ministry, serving four churches as a senior pastor and five churches as an associate minister, the search committees that brought me to the eight other churches may not have been as in depth and as intense as the one mentioned earlier, but every church wanted a pastor or associate staff ministers with impeccable integrity as one of their major characteristics and qualifications.

The moral failures of ministers over the past several years, especially those who are well-known, have received vast press and media coverage and have been the butt of joke after joke of the talk show hosts and comedians who have performed on television and radio shows. But, integrity issues are not just limited to sexual immorality and have moved into other aspects of ministry today at an alarming rate. For example, resume “padding” has not only cost some senior pastors and associate ministers their job and influence in recent months, but the coaching ranks and high ranking administrators at prestigious universities have seen firings because an individual claimed to have academic degrees they had not earned or claimed credentials that were bogus.

Another example of the expanding integrity crisis involves some of the denominational “young bucks” (as I call them) of a few years ago moving in to become the senior pastors at some of the megachurches and rising churches in our Southern Baptist Convention. In some cases, they are moving too quickly to try to establish their mark on those churches, making poor decisions, and then having to make amends and rebuild trust among the church membership. Some, sadly, are even trying to cover up their mistakes or attempting to focus the blame on others.

Another contemporary area for integrity concerns regards “blogging” on The Internet. Some pastor “bloggers” have many readers who faithfully read and respond to what, at times, is simply someone’s slanted opinion about another minister and his methods or a traditional theological belief or practice they no longer want to follow. I have seen the blogs of some individuals who sarcastically and mockingly criticize the soulwinning methods of one preacher in our denomination, a former Southern Baptist Convention president, whom the Lord has used to bring thousands of lost souls to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ through the evangelistic efforts of the churches he pastored and the revival meetings and conferences where he has preached. Integrity has taken a back seat to such disrespectful, in your face ministers who are influencing a new generation of church members to use confrontation as the means by which to move out of positions of influence those whom they believe are “behind the times” church members.

IF IT DOUBT, DON’T

What are some answers to overcoming the decline in ministerial integrity, which in turn causes a loss of integrity and influence of the local churches in the communities where those ministers serve? As I give some remedies, I am going to be generic in their brief descriptions because I might hit too close to home with some of the illustrations to back them up.

Most anyone reading this article could immediately think of personal situations in your own life or how you have seen others affected, who violated the following steps to maintaining integrity as a minister. First, if in doubt, don’t! When you are doubtful about a decision or a planned action, you not only may feel “tossed to and fro” (James 1:6), but it causes a rippling effect of doubt about you upon those you lead spiritually. If you can give more time before changing the way your church has been ministering in some way, do not move too quickly, especially if you or others in leadership have doubts about it. Allow more time to pray it through and seek godly counsel from those you know who strive to have the mind of Christ. For those of us who are Mid-America Seminary alumni, it was emphasized to us over and over again while students: “Don’t make any major changes, unless absolutely necessary, your first year on a church field. Get to know and love the people and allow them time to get to know and love you.”

AVOID ALL APPEARANCE OF EVIL

Another way to avoid an integrity failure is to avoid all appearance of evil (1 Thess. 5:22). Don’t allow yourself to get in a questionable situation with someone of the opposite sex or put yourself in a position regarding a decision you have made where your intentions could be questioned. Any minister who would allow a situation where he is alone with one of the opposite sex other than his wife, daughter, grand-daughter, mother, or sister is playing with fire. Be cautious especially of decisions you make in a church where money is involved so that it will not be a source of concern because proper accounting practices have not been followed. Be able to back up your decisions with an unquestionable assurance in your heart that you have God’s mind on the matter.

FACE UP TO IT AND DON’T TRY TO COVER IT UP

When you have made a mistake that needs to be addressed or a decision which is being challenged, face up to it and don’t try to cover it up. Don’t try to deflect criticism toward someone else, about a completely different matter, to take the critical focus off you. When Jonah was running away from God and the will of God, to his credit he took the blame for the turmoil caused by his disobedience which affected negatively everyone around him (Jonah 1:9-12).

SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH THE LORD EVERYDAY

From personal conversations and interviews I have heard or seen with ministers who made choices which resulted in their loss of integrity and usually their ministry, one area in their life that had taken a back seat was their daily devotional and prayer time. Some ministerial duties and responsibilities, which they could do well, had become rote and were being carried out in the strength of their flesh instead of the power of the Holy Spirit. Some of those ministers could still wax eloquently in the pulpit but had become hollow spiritually. Eventually the spiritual hollowness was filled with things which they would have avoided at all costs when they were Spirit-controlled and Spirit-led.

Make it a priority to spend enough time with the Lord everyday in Bible reading, prayer, and meditation to get a clear sense of God’s direction to do graciously and appropriately what he desires for you to do and enables you to do. Another reason today that ministers have lost their integrity is because of the ambition to have to be the best. The Bible says that whatever we do, we should do it heartily (Col. 3:23) and our focus should be on pleasing the Lord, not receiving the accolades of what the world views as success. We should certainly give our best but that does not necessarily mean that we will be the best. “Having to be the best” ministers can get so focused on attaining success in the world’s eyes that they sometimes make poor decisions looking for loopholes or shortcuts to quick numerical and statistical achievements and violate ethical ministerial practices and proper protocol. Then, when they have reached the pinnacle of their idea of success, they feel spiritually invincible and let their guard down, and that is when and where moral failure often takes root.

Success, God’s way is not based on who you are or where you are but on what you are, and it comes in regular daily times of meditating upon the Word of God and “observing to do all that is written therein” (Joshua 1:8). The minister who reads the Bible daily, meditates upon the Word and delights in it, and makes his decisions in light of God’s Word, will not listen to wrong counsel or personally make decisions he will regret (Ps. 1:1-2). To maintain a level of impeccable integrity, it is vital to get into the Word daily and get the Word into you in order to get the mind of Christ on the matters of life awaiting and facing you each day.

BEING UP FRONT

Next to spending quality time with the Lord every day in prayer, Bible reading, and meditation, simply being up front with the membership of the church you pastor is a key to being looked upon as a person of integrity. The people you lead spiritually need to be able to trust you. When Jesus told His followers to let your “Yes, be ‘Yes’” and your “No, ‘No,’” (Matt. 5:37) He was saying that a Christian’s word alone should be enough. Your word should be as trustworthy and binding as your signature or swearing under oath in a court of law to tell the truth. Pastors who would detest another pastor who falls morally are no better off when the members of their church feel their pastor is not leveling with them on decisions and issues relevant to a church, resulting in the pastor’s loss of integrity in the minds of the church members and crippling his ability to lead them spiritually.

Prior to accepting my first pastorate, I had the joy of serving on the ministerial staff of my home church, a church where both of my grandfathers, my father, and my older brother had served as chairman of the deacons. Two of my father’s boyhood friends, who were groomsmen in his wedding, were members of the church and had served as chairman of the deacons. One of those two longtime friends of my dad gave me a memorable piece of advice my last Sunday on staff at that church before beginning my first pastorate. He put his arm around me as several other long-time deacons of that church were listening and said, “Son, always be honest and up front with your people. They’ll be like us when it comes to how they follow you. If you were our pastor, we may not agree with you on something you wanted the church to do, but if we were convinced in our minds that you were convinced in your mind that you were doing what God had led you to do, we would get on our knees and crawl with you, if that’s what it takes, to help you do what the Lord was leading you to do.”

I have found his advice to be on target at the churches where I have pastored, and although there are certainly exceptions, most churches want a pastor to lead them in the way they should go and want to do their part to support their pastor in fulfilling the will of God. They desire a man who will maintain impeccable integrity. It is a lifelong process. Spend private time with the Lord everyday, be up front about everything with the church you pastor, live a life where you don’t have doubts about decisions you make, and don’t allow yourself to be put in compromising situations. You will be able to identify with the Apostle Paul and joyfully say, “I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day” (2 Tim. 1:12). And, if you do make a mistake, don’t try to cover it up or blame someone else. Admit your mistake, make the necessary amends, learn the lesson from it, become better because of it, and move on beyond it, “reaching forth unto those things which are before, pressing toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 13-14) and daily thanking God Who “always causes us to triumph in Christ” (2 Cor. 2:14).

WHEN TRUE LOVE DIDN’T WAIT

In September of 1992, in a brainstorming session for a Christian Sex Education campaign, Richard Ross, youth ministry consultant for Lifeway Christian Resources, presented a True Love Waits® theme. A few months later it was presented to Lifeway Christian Resources management for consideration as part of the Christian Sex Education plan and was adopted. The youth group at Tulip Grove Baptist Church in Hermitage, Tennessee, where Richard Ross was also serving as the youth minister, were the first to sign True Love Waits commitment cards, having pledged :

“Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.”

Since that first True Love Waits commitment service thousands of young men and women have made that pledge. In one community alone, Oroville, California, over the past ten years four thousand pledges “have been represented at True Love Waits community celebrations, some of which were reaffirmations of their original commitment.”

“True Love Waits is one of several approaches to challenging teenagers and college students to make a commitment to sexual abstinence until marriage.” As mentioned earlier, it was created by Lifeway Christian Resources “to encourage moral purity by adhering to biblical principles.” True Love Waits is “a youth-based international campaign that utilizes positive peer pressure by encouraging those who make a commitment to refrain from pre-marital sex to challenge their peers to do the same. The “Takes the Town” initiative, launched by True Love Waits, “encourages cities to take a unified, community-wide approach to promoting abstinence by involving schools, government, businesses, churches, health organizations and others. The vision for ‘Takes the Town’ is to help communities find solutions to reclaiming sexual purity among their youth.”

True Loves Waits is certainly in accord with God’s Word in its emphasis to keep the marriage bed “undefiled” (Heb. 13:4) by abstaining from sex until marriage. The Bible says that the way of God is “perfect” and that His Word is “tried” (Ps. 18:30). That means God’s will is best for us and it has been proven through the life experiences of those who follow His way. His Word is “true from the beginning and every one of [His] righteous judgments endures forever” (Ps. 119:160) because “forever” His “Word is settled in heaven” (Ps. 119:89). The Word of God has not changed and will not change, regardless of the changes that are happening in society.

True Love Waits goes against the grain of what television and movies depict of sex. The vast majority of movie/television sexual scenes are between those who are not married to each other, which, it seems, occur in about every movie and television drama/comedy program produced today. Hollywood’s message is that sex whenever you want it with whomever you want it is not taboo anymore. I have even read articles and heard interviews on television and radio from individuals who have criticized True Love Waits and similar programs that promote sexual abstinence prior to marriage. Their reasoning is that the sexual abstinence approach does not work on a wide-spread basis and that the best sex education approach is to educate kids on how to keep from getting pregnant or getting sexual diseases because most young people are going to be sexually active. I have responded through letters to the editor, e-mails, on our television broadcast, from the pulpit, and personal conversations that sexual abstinence works every time for those who practice it! It is God’s way, and His way is always best for us. When we get out of the will of God and go beyond the boundaries of the Bible and do it our way, eventually there comes a time of reckoning and regrets.

One of the saddest stories in the Bible is that of Amnon and Tamar (2 Sam. 13:1-21). Amnon and Tamar were both children of King David by different wives of David. Amnon had the “hots” for Tamar. Biblically, it was forbidden (Lev. 8:6,9; 20:17) for them to marry, but David probably would have permitted it. Regardless, Amnon let his physical desires get control of him, and the result was tragic. Although, I have titled this chapter, “When True Love Didn’t Wait,” that title is an oxymoron. God’s way is that true love waits until marriage before consummating a relationship between a man and a woman. The fact that Amnon desired Tamar and she was willing to marry him (2 Sam. 13:12-13), yet he would not wait to have her sexually until they were married, proves that he did not truly love her. Love waits, but lust can’t! If Amnon truly loved Tamar he would not have tried to influence her to do anything that was against God’s Word and that would hurt her reputation.

I am using the title, “When True Love Didn’t Wait” because a line that too many young men have used on a girl they desired sexually is, “If you really love me, you’ll go all the way with me.” Perhaps, a couple do feel that they are truly in love. If a young man truly loves a girl and she truly loves him, neither of them will try to tempt the other into pre-marital sex. Whatever the exact feelings were between Amnon and Tamar, he could not wait before knowing her intimately. This chapter will address the damage and the tragedy which may result when a couple who think they are truly in love don’t wait until marriage to have sex.

Lust Can’t Wait (The Story of Amnon and Tamar)

Second Samuel 13:1-22 records the story of Amnon, King David’s firstborn son by Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and his attraction to his half-sister, Tamar, King David’s daughter by Maacah, who was the daughter of Talmai, the king of Geshur. Tamar was the sister of David’s third son, Absalom, whose name is mentioned at the beginning of the story of Amnon and Tamar. The Bible says that

“Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her” (2 Sam. 13:1-2).

Amnon was lovesick for Tamar. He was vexed because he desired a physical relationship with Tamar. It should have been hard for him to do “anything to her.” As a virgin, she was carefully chaperoned and cautiously controlled concerning where she was allowed to go and with whom she associated. The fact that she was one of the King’s daughters would cause even extra watchfulness over her for her welfare.

Amnon had two moral problems in his intentions toward Tamar. The first was incest. She was his sister. They had different mothers but their father was David. Although in the early days of creation marriage between relatives was practiced (Gen. 20:12), it was forbidden when the Lord revealed his commandments and laws to Moses (Lev. 18:6,9; 20:17). Second, Amnon had sexual desire for Tamar, which was strictly forbidden outside of marriage. Content and comfort are not always found in royal palaces. Amnon lived a life of luxury and privilege as the king’s son. As King David’s firstborn son, and the likely heir to the throne, Amnon certainly would have had other lovely women available from which to find a future wife. But, he focused upon Tamar, and when you desire that which is not best for you, there is usually someone around who will help you mess up. Verse three of 2 Samuel 13 says that “Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David’s brother: and Jonadab was a very [subtle] man.”
The next several verses of this passage reveal how subtle Jonadab was, who was Amnon’s cousin and David’s nephew, and how influential he was upon Amnon. He devised a way for Amnon to gratify his desire for Tamar. He suggested to the love sick Amnon that he lie down and pretend that he was physically sick. Jonadab drew up a plan developed around Amnon’s pretended illness to coerce King David to allow Tamar to come and prepare food for her half-brother to help him get well (2 Sam. 13:5-7). David fell for it and sent Tamar to Amnon’s house where she did as she was asked (vv. 8-10).

Amnon’s Deliberate Deception

The first mistake of Amnon is that he lusted wrongfully for his sister. A second mistake is that he listened weakly to the wrong influences. Jonadab was his cousin. Maybe Jonadab patronized Amnon because he thought Amnon would be king someday and would give him a top position of prominence. We may be more vulnerable to the advice of our relatives because we are close to them. But, regardless of who it comes from we must make sure that every piece of advice we are given carefully passes through the filter of God’s standards.

Another mistake of Amnon is that he lied willfully to his father and family (v. 6). His dishonesty not only came back to hurt him, but it affected all the royal family over time. Amnon laid on the line, without regret, the ruin of his life and the lives of others. It eventually cost him his life and led to turmoil within the royal family.

As according to Jonadab’s plan, Amnon pretended that he was ill and requested that his father, King David, send his half-sister Tamar to prepare food for him and serve it to him. She responded as she was asked to do and prepared food that was supposed to perk Amnon up (vv. 7-9). But, he would not eat the food. He asked for everyone else in the room to leave, which they did, then he told Tamar to bring the food to his bedroom and serve to him the food with her hands (v. 10). When it was just the two of them alone in his bedroom, he grabbed her and said, “come lie with me, my sister” (v. 11). Amnon tried to persuade Tamar by seduction. True love desires to give, but lust desires to get. Lust can’t wait, love can! True love does not demand you to do that which may destroy your reputation, can damage your relationship with your family, and is in direct disobedience to God. Tamar pleaded with Amnon to stop:

“‘Don’t, my brother! Don’t humiliate me, for such a thing should never be done in Israel. Don’t do this horrible thing! Where could I go with my disgrace? And you—you would be like one of the immoral men in Israel! Please speak to the king, for he won’t keep me from you.’ But he refused to listen to her, and because he was stronger than she was, he raped her” (2 Sam. 13:12-14 HCSB).

Notice that Tamar even tried to persuade Amnon to ask King David’s permission for her hand in marriage. Although it was not a proper marriage situation, with David’s multiple marriages she seemed certain her father would allow their marriage to each other. Tamar apparently assumed that Amnon’s intentions were not totally dishonorable and that he eventually intended to marry her. Although her words may have been a ploy to get Amnon to stop his sexual assault on her, by convincing him she would later marry him, perhaps there was also an attraction on Tamar’s part for Amnon, and she would have been willing to marry him. But, the unbridled lust of Amnon for Tamar did not allow that possible scenario to occur. Amnon disregarded Tamar’s requests for him to restrain himself. He overpowered her with his strength, and raped her.

Doubly Dishonored and Disgraced

What followed is even more despicable than his rape of Tamar, whom he was so infatuated with prior to assaulting her that it led him to do such a horrible thing. The Bible says, “After this, Amnon hated Tamar with such intensity that the hatred he hated her with was greater than the love he had loved her with. ‘Get out of here!’ he said” (2 Sam. 13:15 HCSB). Rightfully, Tamar protested. She said, “‘No,’ sending me away is much worse than the great wrong you’ve already done to me” (v. 16)! But, Amnon refused to listen to her and called his servant to throw her out and bolt the door behind her (v. 17). And, the servant followed the orders of Amnon.

Amnon despised Tamar after his lust had been satisfied and he wanted nothing more to do with her. He was not in love with Tamar. He lusted her. Lust desires to get, and when lust has gotten what it wants, there is not a sense of permanency and oneness which comes when there is intimacy between those who are truly in love. Amnon’s gravest sin was in his failure to accept moral responsibility for his abuse of Tamar. When a man entered into the most intimate of all human contacts with a woman, he became morally obligated to provide for her personal well-being (Deut. 22:28-29). But, Amnon arrogantly expelled Tamar after abusing her and stubbornly refused to honor the requirements of the law prescribed in such cases. Through this situation, Amnon showed himself unqualified to be the heir to his father’s throne. One who would use raw power to pursue his goals irrespective of the rights of others was obviously unfit to rule over Israel since he could not adequately control himself.

As a result of Amnon’s actions, Tamar was doubly dishonored and disgraced by his denial and dismissal of her. She said the humiliation of his throwing her out after raping her was much worse than the great wrong he had already done. By throwing Tamar out, Amnon made it look as if she had made a shameful proposition to him, and there were no witnesses on her behalf because he had gotten rid of his servants. Amnon’s crime destroyed any chance of marriage for Tamar. Because she was no longer a virgin, she could not lawfully be given in marriage (Deut. 22:23-29). Even as the innocent party in her situation, with no witnesses it was her word against Amnon’s regarding what had happened. But, Tamar’s actions over the moral violation against her were in line with the appropriately expressive cultural manner one would exhibit because of the wrong done to her. The Bible says that she was wearing the long-sleeved garment worn by all the virgin daughters of the king (v. 18). After Tamar was thrown out of Amnon’s quarters, she “put ashes on her head and tore the long-sleeved garment she was wearing, . . put her hand on her head and went away weeping” (v. 19). She reacted with despondency immediately, openly, appropriately, and ashamedly, although she was not the one who had done something shameful. Against her will, she had been morally violated, and when a women is forced into sex, it is an abominable, shameful experience for her.

The last we hear of Tamar in the Bible is that she “lived as a desolate woman in the house of her brother Absalom” (v. 20). She was dutifully received into her brother’s house where she remained in desolation. When Tamar was first seen by Absalom after being raped, he did not seem surprised by Amnon’s actions and suspected what had been done (v. 20). Absalom tried to comfort Tamar by indicating that the crime was a family matter, although Absalom planned to seek vengeance in his way (vv. 22,28-29) by murdering Amnon. But, God’s standards for moral conduct should not be compromised or suspended when dealing with family matters. Amnon should have been punished for raping Tamar, but Absalom’s way of handling it added another dimension of tragedy to the story. King David should have responded to Amnon’s abhorrent act by resolutely disciplining Amnon. The Bible says when David received the news of what Amnon had done, “he was furious” (v. 21). But, he did not do anything about it. His own son had done such a wicked thing and drawn David to be an accessory to it. He should have punished his son and put him to open shame. Perhaps David favored Amnon as his first-born son and was reluctant to deal harshly with him. Besides, David’s own recent adultery with Bathsheba may have kept him from dealing with Amnon for his adultery. How could David, who had committed crimes for which death was the appointed penalty, carry out the law of banishing his first-born (Lev. 20:17) for following his example. What we bring into the lives of others either good or bad eventually comes back into our own. What David had brought to the family of Uriah the Hittite through his adultery with Bathsheba, then his having Uriah killed, had now come to haunt David, for the end result of this story resulted in the death of Amnon (v. 29) and Absalom (2 Sam. 18:14).

The Destructive, Disastrous Aftermath

Three deaths were the result of the destructive, disastrous aftermath of David’s sin with Bathsheba and Amnon’s rape of Tamar. Sex within marriage between a man and woman who are married but not to each other is breaking the command of God (2 Sam. 12:9) as is sex between an unmarried man and woman, whether it is by consent or not (2 Sam. 13:11-12). The result, hopefully, when adultery or fornication occurs will not be someone’s death, but even when one or both parties concerned do not feel a sense of guilt for their actions, they are not the only ones affected by their sin. Besides the deaths of Uriah (2 Sam. 11:15,17), Amnon, and Absalom, the destructive, disastrous aftermath of sex outside God’s boundaries produced several other negative results. First, it was an act of disobedience and disrespect toward God. Second, it disgraced Tamar and disabled her for the rest of her life (2 Sam. 13:13,20). Third, it brought dishonor to Amnon and destroyed his life because it led to his death (2 Sam. 13:13,28-29). Fourth, it caused disturbance among a family that led to disaster (2 Sam. 13:27-29,32,36). Fifth, it caused division between a father (King David) and his son (Absalom) which led to divided loyalties within the family and among friends (2 Sam. 13:37-39; 15:1-6). Sixth, it caused disturbance and division within a nation (2 Sam. 15-19).

Numbers 32:23 says, “Be sure your sin will catch up with you.” If you entice someone of the opposite sex to go all the way with you, the effect of your sin may not be as drastic as the results of Amnon’s violation sexually of Tamar, but you are not the only one affected. If there are not immediate consequences, it may come back to haunt you or your partner. It would certainly disappoint and break the hearts of your parents, if they have sought to bring you up in the nurture, discipline, and counsel of the Lord. And, because of your lack of self-control, it will spoil God’s best for your wedding night, which is for you and your new mate to be virgins.

As I was writing this chapter a sad story appeared in the October 5, 2007 Knoxville News Sentinel about a situation where a coach took advantage of a young lady, over a period of years, which now haunts both of them. The subtitle of the article was, “Young woman tells former coach of suffering he caused her.” On the day the young woman faced her former coach in court, she was twenty-one and he was forty. The article stated that the young woman stood in court and in a clear, sometimes quavering voice, told the former coach who became her tormentor what she thought of him:

“She told him he had used manipulative tactics since she was eleven years old to mold her into an object for . . . sexual pleasure. “Your abuse cost me some of the best years of my life,’ she told him. ‘You spent years breaking me down and building me back into who you wanted me to be,’ she said. ‘You had a sick, perverted plan that began while I was in middle school. No punishment you could ever receive will undo the mental pain and suffering that I have endured and will continue to experience for the rest of my life.”

The young woman was the senior captain of the girls’ volleyball team at her high school, a traditional state powerhouse. She was the valedictorian of her class, but because of a modern day situation similar to that of Amnon and Tamar, and her giving in to the sexual manipulation of her coach, she eventually spiraled into a severe depression and attempted suicide. She lost friendships she’d had since pre-school and said she no longer felt comfortable in her hometown. She gave up a scholarship and left college for a year to battle depression. She has continued therapy, but did resume her college education. The coach, who is married, rightfully lost his job. His two year prison sentence was suspended and amazingly, he was placed on unsupervised probation. He was ordered not to have unsupervised contact with children, not to be a youth athletic coach, and to pay $15,000 in restitution. Whether he got his just due or not, he has to live with the shame and embarrassment he caused for the young woman and her family, his family, and the community. Especially, do not allow yourself to be manipulated by someone who is older than you. You may end up like the young woman just described or a young man who has been taken advantage of by an older woman. In recent years, an older female teacher having a sexual relationship with an underage male student has made national or regional headlines several times a year. Whether it is an unlawful sexual encounter or one between consenting teenagers or younger, the temporary pleasure is not worth the bitterness, guilt, depression, shame, and embarrassment which will usually come over time.

True love waits. It is more than just the title and emphasis for a campaign that promotes sexual abstinence before marriage. It is how the God who created the universe, and who ordained marriage between a man and a woman, intended for sex to be experienced—not until marriage and exclusively between a man and woman who are married to each other.

Love Can Wait (The Story of Jacob and Rachel)

A biblical picture of how God intended for the love between a man and a woman to develop is seen in the story of Jacob and Rachel. When animosity between Jacob and his brother, Esau, came to a head (see Gen. 27), their father Isaac sent Jacob away, at their mother Rebekah’s request, to allow time for Esau’s anger to subside and for Jacob to find a wife among their ancestors. So, he departed to stay with his mother’s brother, Laban (Gen. 28:5). The first member of his uncle Laban’s family whom he met was his cousin Rachel. It was love at first sight! As soon as Jacob saw Rachel, the Bible says, “He kissed Rachel and wept loudly’ (Gen. 29:10-11). The Bible records that “Jacob loved Rachel” (Gen. 29:18). Marriage between cousins was common in those days. So, Jacob requested her parents’ permission to marry her and respected their requirements concerning what was proper to receive her hand in marriage. True love waited then as true love still waits today until marriage before sexual intimacy between a man and a woman. Laban stated that it was better to give Rachel to Jacob than to “some other man” (v. 19). The arrangement was worked out that Jacob would work seven years for Laban for the right to marry Rachel.

Jacob followed his promise to his future father-in-law as to when he could marry Rachel and the seven years “seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her” (v. 20). Seven years is a long time for most of us to wait for something we greatly desire. But, the love between a man and a woman is powerful, and the time seemed to fly by because they were determined to spend their life together as husband and wife. True love waits and is willing to take whatever time is necessary to do it the right way. I have known of modern day situations where a man and a woman desired to get married someday but knew there would be an extended time of waiting. I know of some men who are now medical doctors, who eventually married their high school sweetheart or college sweetheart, but waited until getting their college degree, then taking another three years or more to complete their medical degree, before getting married. It can be done, and it can be done without getting sexually involved prior to marriage.

Jacob faithfully fulfilled his commitment to his heavenly Father, his natural family, his future bride, and his future family. After seven years of working for Laban for the right to marry Rachel, Jacob came to Laban and said, “Give me my wife, for my time is completed. I want to sleep with her” (Gen. 29:21). Jacob did not have sexual relations with Rachel prior to marriage. That is God’s plan regardless of how long of an engagement period you have and how long you wait until you get married. Love can wait! Jacob did not violate Rachel, her family, his family, his friends, himself, and his vow to his heavenly Father (Gen. 28:20-22; 31:13).

Live For Christ

In the introduction to this chapter it was mentioned that True Love Waits goes against the grain of what television and movies depict of sex and the general view that society today has about moral purity. Sex outside marriage is not considered taboo by ever increasing numbers of Americans. Although, there are still significant numbers of Americans who hold to moral purity prior to marriage, it is apparent that too many among this group believe sex prior to marriage is wrong but practice it, because they waver to pressure or just don’t have the self-control to avoid giving in to the pleasures of sin. Oh, that every Christian could say as the apostle Paul proclaimed, “For to me to live is Christ” (Phil. 1:21). Christ was Paul’s life and gave him a reason for living and living right! Jesus said that anyone who is not for Him or with Him is against Him (Matt. 12:30). So, to live for Christ is to be like Christ. Jesus’ purpose in life was to do the will of His Father and to finish His work (John 4:34). He did not waver according to the changing views of society and culture. To do God’s will was to stay true to God’s Word (Matt. 5:17). That is what we must also do and be to live for Christ. To live for Christ is to maintain moral purity before marriage and practice sexual intimacy only within marriage with the one to whom you are married.

Four factors to keep in mind will help to provide motivation why living for Christ is the only way to live life to its fullest. These factors will also help you to avoid the pitfalls that come when you give in to the carnal desires of the flesh instead of living under the control of the Holy Spirit. First, magnify the consequences of sin. Disobedience has a more far-reaching effect than most Christians realize. The sin of one man, Achan, brought defeat to an entire nation (see Josh. 7:1,11,18, 24-26). God told the Israelites prior to their attacking Jericho not to take any spoils of victory (Josh. 6:17-19). But, Achan took a cloak and some money from among the spoils of victory (Josh. 7:1,19). As a result, God allowed Israel to be routed by a foe they should have easily defeated (Josh. 7:2-5). All because of one man’s sin (Josh. 7:10-12). After they dealt with Achan’s sin, the Israelites were able to defeat their enemies in claiming their Promised Land (Josh. 7:24-26). Achan’s sin not only caused his nation to be hurt, but it brought dishonor to his name, his father, his grandfather, and his great-grandfather (Josh. 7:1,18,24).

Doing whatever I want to do as long as I don’t hurt anybody is a cop-out some individuals use to justify their giving in to a sinful pleasure. But, seldom does your sin not affect somebody else. The Bible says that none of us lives to himself (Rom. 14:7). When you purposely sin, even though you say it is not hurting anyone else but you or it is nobody else’s business but yours, your giving in to sin sets a poor example for others who may look up to you or others who are still learning what is right and wrong in God’s eyes.

Second, to live for Christ and to avoid being tempted to give in to the carnal desires of the flesh, minimize the pleasures of sin. The pleasures of sin last but a short time. The story in the Bible of The Prodigal Son illustrates how the pleasures of sin all too often result in temporary not eternal satisfaction. A man’s youngest son wanted to get his share early in life of his father’s estate and go out into the world to live it up. The father distributed the requested assets to his younger son who “gathered together all he had and traveled to a distant country, where he squandered his estate in foolish living” (Luke 15:13 HCSB). The King James Version Bible said the prodigal son went to a “far country.” The “far country” is any area of your life or place where you choose to live out of the will of God. After he spent everything he had , that country had a famine, and the young man had nothing and had a hard time finding any kind of employment. In one of the poor paying jobs he got feeding pigs, the prodigal son got so hungry that he was even willing to eat the pigs’ food, if it had been allowed (vv. 15-16). That will get you to the end of yourself and back to your senses (v. 17) when feeding pigs takes preference over feeding a starving human! The prodigal son’s desire to live it up amounted to living foolishly. The pleasures of sin lasted but a short time. But, he got his life right with God and his father (vv. 18,21). He went back home a broken, but repentant man, and lived life from then on as God meant for him.

The “far country” sexually for too many teenagers begins in places where they should not be with persons they should not be with. The places of seclusion spell big trouble. They can become the scene of personal tragedy or a poor testimony. The Bible says to avoid even the appearance that you could be doing something wrong (1 Thess. 5:17). How many teenagers have traded five minutes of sexual fireworks in the back seat of a car for a million moments of happiness in marriage? And today it is no longer in the back seat of a car where it seemed to happen the most in an earlier day. It is in the bedroom of the teenagers or their parents’ bedroom in their homes while their mom and dad are both at work. Don’t take to your honeymoon the memory of everyone you have previously had sex with. Remain morally pure and a virgin for your future mate. God can help you overcome past mistakes and have a successful marriage even if you were sexually active prior to marriage, but you will have to work through the guilt and shame that always comes when you get right with God. And although God forgives and forgets, it can be a lengthy process trying to erase memories you wished you did not have.

A third factor in living for Christ and avoiding giving in to the carnal desires of the flesh is to make no provision for the flesh. Roman 13:14 says to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no plans to satisfy the fleshly desires” (HCSB). The New International Version Bible says to “clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” As you think in your heart, so are you (Prov. 23:7). You can and must train yourself to think the right things (Phil. 4:8). As you begin each day, clothe yourself with Christ by putting on in your mind the whole armor of God (Eph. 6:10-17). Put on the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, shoes of peace, and the helmet of salvation, with the shield of faith and the sword of the Lord (God’s Word) as accessories. Let the qualities of truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, and the Bible guide your thinking and your living each day.

Each day you need to resist the world and the improper influences it throws at you. James 4:7 says to resist the Devil and he will flee from you. In putting on the full armor of God that is how you resist the Devil and stand against his tactics (Eph. 6:11). Also, review regularly what influences your mind because the Lord wants the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart to be acceptable to Him (Ps. 19:14). The music you listen to regularly, the matter you look at repeatedly, and the material you like to read all have an influence on what you think and do, so make sure it influences you in a way that is pleasing to God. You need to remove any waste, literally and figuratively, that inhibits you mind negatively concerning what pleases God. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). As you do that, remove what inhibits your walk with Lord and renew, if necessary, what goes into your mind. The Bible says to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God” (Rom. 12:2 HCSB). For example, if someone becomes addicted to pornography and wants to overcome it and live for Christ, that person must remove whatever pornography he or she has in their home, in hard copy and on or for the computer. They must avoid places where pornography is sold or images can be seen that feed the addiction. They must follow Jesus as their Lord and Savior and renew their mind through reading the Bible and printed material that is pleasing to God. They must be around with godly, Christ-like people as much as possible and be actively involved in a Bible-based, Christ-centered, Spirit-controlled, prayer empowered church. Making no provision for the flesh doesn’t just happen. You have to commit to it and work at it.

A fourth factor to keep in mind in living uncompromisingly for Christ and avoiding giving in to the carnal desires of the flesh is to maintain a priority relationship with the Lord. The apostle Paul exhorted the Colossians to keep Christ preeminent in all things (Col. 1:18). Our relationship with the Lord should surpass all others. To maintain such a priority relationship with the Lord it is imperative to daily read the Word. The Bible says that you can keep your way pure by keeping God’s Word (Ps. 119:9). Treasuring and storing God’s Word in your heart will help you to keep from sinning against God (Ps. 119:11).

As you get into the Word daily, you will get the Word into you. Even in all his suffering, Job said that he esteemed the words of God more than his necessary food (Job 23:12). In feeding upon the Word of Daily by reading the Bible, you will receive and retain its wisdom. It will give you the wisdom to recognize what is right and what is wrong. In recognizing what is wrong the Bible helps you to discern the intentions (2 Cor. 2:11) of the Devil. You must be on your alert because the Devil is ever prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour (1 Peter 5:8). As you daily get God’s Word into your heart you stay alert to how and where the Devil is seeking to cause anyone he can to mess up, and he wants everyone to mess up sexually! Remember that appearance is important. As a pastor I sometimes get contacted about a married church member being seen with someone of the opposite sex other than their mate in what looks like or could lead to a compromising situation. In some cases where it has to be addressed, I usually get a reaction from the church member that there is nothing to it, such as they were just having lunch with a work associate. But, the Bible says to avoid even the appearance that you have an attraction to someone other than your mate or that you are being unfaithful to your mate (1 Thess. 5:22). Even if you are not guilty of the action, are you guilty of the appearance? It matters because the Bible says it matter!

To maintain a priority relationship with the Lord, run with the right influences. The Bible says that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor. 15:33). I saw a situation coming months before it blew up where a man who was separated from his wife became close to a married woman. Both had been actively involved in their churches. He started attending the church of the married woman who had befriended him. I believe on her part it was innocent at first. She was a choir member and got the guy to sing in the choir, too. They decided to sing a duet in church and began practicing for it weeks ahead of time. They began to rehearse privately in a room of the church during the Wednesday night prayer service, which she hardly ever missed prior to that time. When he came to my office because he got word that I was concerned over his ever deepening friendship with this other man’s wife, he justified the hours upon hours of phone calls that he and this woman had, which I learned about from her husband (now her former husband). He told me that this woman was the only one who had really been there for him when he and his wife separated. That was not true because our family as well as others in the church had reached out to him. He even told me that he and this lady and her teenage daughter were having a Bible study together each week. I told him that if he was involved in a private Bible study, he needed to be in one with another man or two, not another man’s wife. And, I made it clear to him that another man’s wife was not the one he needed to go to for counsel and solace over his failing marriage. Well, unless someone has the IQ of a water buffalo or less, you know what happened. The woman, who had been a spiritual leader in the church for years, could not find anything good about her husband, who had recently been ordained a deacon. She began to major on the negatives and could no longer see the positives that led her to marry her husband two decades earlier. They divorced. The other man divorced his wife over a year later, but had begun a relationship with another woman, whom he began living with.

I traveled for a college social fraternity for three years after I graduated from college, visiting about two hundred college campuses throughout the United States. I met some great young college men and fraternity alumni during those years, but I also learned how to spot a guy who knew how to take a young lady for a ride emotionally and sexually. He could sweet talk her and make her think she was the only romantic interest of his life, while he had another young lady or two thinking the same thing. Usually he would use each young lady for his self-interest and when he had used her for whatever benefit it was to him, he moved on to someone else. I spotted the intentions of the man in the previous paragraph long before he and the woman were caught in a compromising situation they should never have been in that blew their situation wide open. This “neon love comes lately” (from McBride and the Ride’s song “Treading on Sacred Ground”) amounted to a man whom the woman should never have been involved with so privately and intimately to forsake her rock solid morals and throw away a phenomenal testimony and influence for Christ. She got where she could only see the glaring positives of her “neon love comes lately” and could not see some of the glaring faults others saw that helped to lead to his marriage of twenty something years coming to an end. The saddest part about the whole situation is that the woman would never accept blame for her actions and wanted to put the blame on those who loved her enough to try to get her to break off the friendship with the man. God is full of grace and mercy, and for situations like the one of the man and woman I have just described, we pray for repentance, reconciliation, and restoration to come for them with their former mate and friends who cared enough to confront them.

Conclusion

In the introduction to this chapter I mentioned that when we go beyond the boundaries of God’s Word, there eventually comes a time of reckoning and regrets. Such was the case with Amnon and Tamar. Modern day parallels prove the same. True love waits until marriage before a couple become intimate with each other. And, true love remains true throughout marriage. Stay morally pure before marriage and save yourself for your future mate. Stay faithful to your mate within marriage and don’t allow yourself to come close to being in any situation where your intentions could be questioned. It is better to be accused of legalistic puritanicalism and maintain moral purity than to be guilty of sexual sin and suffer the embarrassment and disgrace of adultery. If an affair does happen with one of the mate’s in a marriage, it is grounds for divorce, but that does not mean that the marriage is over. It has been my joy as a pastor to counsel with couples where infidelity has occurred, and seen the marriage restored as the mate forgave and reconciled with the partner who cheated on them. An affair does cause damage to a marriage, but with time, attention, care, communication, and accountability, the hurts can be overcome and the relationship can be restored. But, guard your marriage as the sacred ground it is and do what it takes to keep from messing up morally. The stigma that surrounds a marriage when there has been an unfaithful mate unfortunately may remain for a long time even after the couple have reconciled and moved on beyond that sad chapter of their lives.

What if you have not remained morally pure before marriage? If you see your immorality as sin, are convicted and broken in your heart over it, and have confessed your sin to the Lord and asked His forgiveness, then God will help you move on with your life as you remain morally pure until marriage. Steve and Annie Chapman are known for their teachings on marriage and their songs of hope and healing for singles, marrieds, and parents. They wrote a powerful song challenging those who have never married to remain morally pure before marriage which also addressed the issue of how to overcome not saving one’s self sexually for their marriage partner.

The Treasure
By
Steve and Annie Chapman

Girl, don’t give your treasure away
It’s for a man somewhere in time who is willing to wait
until the day he can call you by his name.
So girl, don’t give his treasure away.

But if you’ve done it and you wonder what you should do,
Well, just remember, go to Jesus, and He’ll make you brand new.
And when He restores the treasure to its original state,
Until the right time, don’t give it away.

Young man, I know it’s very hard to see that just beyond the way you feel is the man you want to be.
So keep it pure for that woman who waits,
And boy, don’t give her treasure away.

But if you’ve done it and you wonder what you should do,
Well, just remember, go to Jesus, and He’ll make you brand new.
And when He restores the treasure to its original state,
Until the right time, don’t give it away.

© 1979 Monk and Tid Music

If you are not married, commit from this moment on to sexual abstinence until you enter a biblical marriage relationship. A biblical marriage relationship is between two Christians. If you have never placed your faith and trust in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, I invite you to make this most important decision of your life right now. First, you must recognize that you are a sinner. The Bible says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). Second, you need to realize that you cannot save yourself. The Bible says that as the wages or result of sin is death, the gift of God is eternal life in heaven through Jesus Christ our Lord (Rom. 6:23). Ephesians 2:8-9 states that by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift, not works, so that no one can boast. There is nothing you can humanly do or that someone can do for you on earth to save you. Then, you need to repent, for except you repent by asking forgiveness of your sins, you cannot be saved (Luke 13:3,5; Acts 2:38). And then, receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. The Bible says that God showed His love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us (Rom. 5:8). You receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior by calling on the name of the Lord (Rom. 10:13) by believing in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead and by confessing with your mouth that Jesus is Lord (Rom. 10:9-10).

If you are not a Christian and would like to receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior right now simply pray something like this:

“Dear God, I admit that I am a sinner. I ask you to forgive me of my sins. I know that it is only through Jesus Christ that I can be saved. I believe Jesus died on the Cross to save me from my sins and to provide eternal life for me in heaven. I receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I turn from living life the way I want to live to living life the way Jesus wants me to live from this moment on.”

The Lord wants the best for us in life and he wants us to live life to the fullest (John 10:10). The best for every one is to remain morally pure before marriage and within marriage. And, whether you married someday or not, commit from this moment on that whatever you do, you will do everything for God’s glory.

“WHAT A MAN NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT A WOMAN”                                                                                                   (From a sermon by Dr. Bobby Mullins at Central Baptist Church, Oak Ridge, TN 081207)

A few years ago, I remember watching one of the major network nightly news broadcasts, when they reported that a government study, which cost several million dollars, concluded that men and women are different. The amazing thing is that the news anchor announced the findings like it was a discovery that had never been known. Men have known through the ages that some things about women, and particularly the woman whom they married, take years to figure out how to correctly respond to some of their unexpected, practically unanswerable questions. Men and women are different in various ways, praise the Lord, in some gloriously different and blessed ways. But among those differences that are not so glorious to our wives, at times, is how we think differently. Sometimes, we think we are answering a question the way our wife wants us to, but our left brain thinking often produces an answer that is not what our wife’s right brain caring, sensitive, side is wanting to hear.

I came across a very helpful article in the July, 2005 Good Housekeeping magazine, by Beth Levine, which a female member of the church I pastor had given to me to pass on to my son prior to his marriage. For a man to learn from a woman who has spent years “training” her husband to be more flattering and sensitive, I believe it will greatly benefit a prospective husband to know “the right responses to some of the toughest questions women are likely to ask” that “make guys crazy . . . while the wheels spin in their heads: ‘What can I say that will get me out of here alive’ . . . and not leave skid marks trying to get away.” In this section, the questions and comments on why your wife is asking such a question and the bad answers and wrong answers are from Beth Levine’s article in Good Housekeeping. I have added an appropriate song that will go along with some of the questions as an extra way to answer the questions as well as further suggestions on a few of the questions. Let’s have some fun while we also receive some valuable insights.

How do you respond when your wife asks you, “What are you thinking about?” Her purpose in asking you that question is that she wants you to provide one little scrap of emotional content, which does not have to be earthshaking, just something that will bring her into your inner world. If you don’t have an inner world, quickly make one up. The wrong answer, “Do you think the Cubs will ever win the Series? A good answer is “You know why I get so upset over the Cubs? It reminds me of when I was little and my father used to . . . .” This provides her with a moving memory about your life that shows you have feelings and emotions.

What if your wife asks you, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” She is asking this because women have no idea what image to strive for when Hollywood stars are obnoxiously thin and the average woman is a size 12. A bad answer to this question is “No. Yes. I don’t know. Don’t ask me.” The right answer, “You look really great. Look at the curve they give you.” If your wife really does look a little portly, Mrs. Levine says to blame the clothes by telling her, “You know, those pants aren’t hitting you right.” I say on this one not to respond if the pants aren’t “hitting” her right. The best thing to do is find a way immediately for you to leave the scene.

What should you say if the question is asked, “Do you still love me the way you loved me when you really loved me?” This is a blatant appeal on your wife’s part for reassurance. She is probably feeling taken for granted and wondering if she has become an eternal source of meatloaf and clean clothes. Tell her yes, you love her, then give specifics (P.S.: This works even better when you say it without being asked first). A bad answer to this question is, “Yeah. Do you know where the remote is? Thanks.” The answer she needs to hear, “You know I love you. I don’t know how I’d get through life without you. Sometimes when you walk away from me and I see that little wiggle, I wonder how I ever got so lucky. I still can’t believe it.” An old Roy Clark song comes to mind, “I Still Get that Honeymoon Feeling.” Look up the lyrics for it and you will see what I mean. That’s a song to know by heart to use as a backup for similar questions like this one.

This next question is one that there is almost no right way to answer but Mrs. Levine gives some positive direction, “Do you think that woman is attractive?” She’s wanting to get a little stroked by you. The wrong answer to this question would be, “She is so hot. Why don’t you ever wear outfits like that?” Mrs. Levine’s suggested answer is, “On a scale of one to ten with you as the ten, I would say that she comes in at a (pick a number significantly lower than ten). I would say to start singing The Oak Ridge Boys song, “You’re the One in a Million.” My advice is make no scale pick from one to ten for the other woman at all. Sing “You’re the One in a Million” loud, and out of embarrassment your wife will ask you to stop and get the subject on something else, but in the depths of her heart she will be flattered.

What if you are asked, “Can we discuss something important to me?” Mrs. Levine’s insight as to why this question is asked is critical: “Incoming! Incoming! You are about to be yelled at for something you did or didn’t do. Quick! Think, man, think!” The wrong answer, “OK, what did I do now?” The right answer is, “Sure, honey, if it’s important to you, you know it’s important to me.” As a backup for your safety, Mrs. Levine suggests that your goal, however, is to play for time by disarming and diverting, if you feel you are really going to get it. Bring up something immediately that will get her mind on someone else or something else to vent about.

Here’s a question you will certainly be asked at some time in your marriage by your wife, “Do you wish I still looked the way I did when we first met?” She asks because she feels like Mother Time is creeping up on her. Her stomach has lost its tone, her eyelids droop, and her upper arms have turned to Jell-O. A bad answer, “Gee, you were so pretty then. I mean, you’re pretty now, too, but back then you were really something. Wait! I didn’t mean that the way it came out . . . don’t hurt me.” A good answer, “What? You mean you don’t?” A great song to know the lyrics for is “I Love You Just the Way You Are.” You might do a lyric search for a song about one’s wife where she gets better the longer you are together, but avoid any lyric that has the word “older” in it, even if it is saying the older you get the better you get. She will not want to hear any reference to “old” or “older.”

Although this is a totally unfair question for your wife to ask, be ready for it, “Do you ever think about your old girlfriend?” She asks because of curiosity, maybe, and, yes, insecurity. The worst answer you could give is, “Sure. Sometimes I wonder what she’s up to now. She was really fun.” Mrs. Levine’s suggested answer is, “Only on those nights when I wake up screaming. Please don’t remind me.” Be thankful if you are asked this question for Garth Brooks’, “Unanswered Prayers.” It is about this exact subject of he and his wife running into his old high school flame at a hometown football game and thanking God that he did not marry his high school girlfriend, but found his true love when he met and then married his wife.

This is a question to be prepared for with the personal makeover, even cosmetic surgery, television programs, “Wouldn’t I look better if I had a nose job, tummy tuck, eye job, etc?” She is asking because she is spending way too much time staring at herself in the bathroom mirror or looking at some of the TV programs just mentioned and seeing the successful end products. The wrong answer is, “You look fine. Stop asking me.” A good answer is, “You change anything, and I’m changing it back. I want the woman I fell in love with, not some Barbie doll.” Then try distracting her with “Do you think that I need hair implants?” Or, you might say, “Can I borrow that wrinkle cream since you don’t need it.” The song, “I Love You Just the Way You Are” would be appropriate here as with an earlier question about looks. I came across a great poem, author unknown, titled, “I Love All of You.” Some of its lyrics are perfect for this question. “I love all of you, your nose, your lips, your hair, your feet, I will never stop loving you, you are so amazingly sweet.” Then, throw in a few lyrics from Cole Porter’s “All of You,” such as, “I love the looks of you, and the lure of you, the sweet of you, and the pure of you, the eyes, the arms, and the mouth of you, the east, west, north, and the south of you.” Your wife will be so shocked at your knowing such emotionally sensitive lyrics, and then your applying them to her, that you will get the emphasis off anything about her changing at all.

Let’s consider one more of those questions wives ask their husbands that have baffled men in the past about how to answer properly. This one is sure to come up someday, “Do you remember when we went to (emotionally charged event you claim you didn’t attend)?” She is asking because she’s nostalgic for the good old days and wishing she felt that close to you again. Don’t answer with, “You sure that wasn’t with your old boyfriend? I don’t think I was there.” The right answer, “All I remember is how gorgeous you were. Everything else is a blur.” I don’t know how to top that one!

Thank you Beth Levine for helping husbands down the right path to knowing how to answer some of life’s greatest questions our wives will probably ask us someday. As she stated in her closing statements to her article, “OK, guys, got it now? If you’re feeling confident and you want to improvise your own answers, fine. Just remember: We women want the truth, but the truth filtered through love.” Men, for those times when you find yourself at a loss about the right way to answer your wife’s question, remember that the Lord knows what we have need of before we ask Him (Matt. 6:8). Pray and ask Him to provide the miracle you need at that moment. And, remember, that simple words like “I’m sorry,” “I was wrong,” “Will you forgive me,” “I love you,”can go a long way.

“MAKING A DIFFERENCE FOR JESUS IN 2021″
JUDE 1-2, 14-23
A SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR AMERICA ON JULY 4, 2021

One day Jude felt constrained to write to a group of people about what he called “the common salvation,” but it appears that the Holy Spirit impressed him to write about the importance and apparent urgency of contending for the faith. By the way, the Holy Spirit has every right to change your plan–what you’re going to do, going to write, going to say, where you’re going. God knows your name, your house number, your zip code, your telephone number, your social security number, your driver’s license number, your employment number, your birth certificate number.

If He calls you up today or tonight, don’t send Him back a busy signal. The Holy Spirit knew what was coming in the last days. You could write 07/04/21 over this text. He knew what was coming for such a time as this. He gave a written admonition in a permanent record of what we ought to do. In these last days of heresy, apostasy, and widespread hypocrisy, it is incumbent to earnestly contend for the faith, to strive vigorously as if it is a life and death struggle–like mortal combat–to stand unhesitatingly, unapologetically, compassionately, and patiently in defense of the faith.

God uses instruments like you and me to go into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature. Don’t look for anything else to be delivered–no more Divine Revelation, visions, dreams to make known the plans of God. How can we add anything to what is infinitely perfect–God’s Word. The Bible is complete as it is, ultimate, final, finished with no needed revisions, no perversions, no addendum. God’s Word is absolute, and when God finished it, He finished.

Don’t ask God for a resume of His past performances, for personal references, for His credentials, for His business card, or His ID. It’s all in the Book. Don’t ask God to repeat Himself, to change His mind, for a second opinion, to rescind His commandments, or to soften His commands. His mentality toward sin has not changed. He doesn’t tolerate sin in your life or mine any more than He did Adam or Eve’s. When God dials you number, don’t ask “Who’s calling?” When God speaks, every sensible believer recognizes his Voice. He always speaks with a tongue that never slips, writes with a pen that doesn’t blot, and acts with a hand that never fails.

It’s time to stand up for Jesus. What an analysis of the need of this hour. When a significant portion of the 6 billion souls inhabiting the planet have turned a deaf ear to God and set themselves on a path of destruction, we need to be MAKING A DIFFERENCE FOR JESUS. Perilous times are before us (2 Tim. 3:1). It’s not time to hide ourselves in a bunker to avert the Lord’s return. It’s time to act.

To make a difference for Jesus for Jesus in 2021, more than ever before we need to stand up for Jesus and stand on the Word. At the same time, we need to stand against Satan and stand firm.

Stand against Satan by recognizing the enemy, recognizing his strategy, realizing his weakness (Jesus and the Word of God), and realizing victory.

Stand firm by realizing that saying it is not enough, but you must remain strong and sincere, standing firm in sufferings. A significant moral and spiritual decline can be traced back in our country to the atheitizing of our public schools in 1962 when prayer was ruled unconstitutional in a public school, then in 1963 reading the Bible in a school was ruled unconstitutional. The 10 Commandments were taken out in 1980. And, now God is out.

Some other major factors in America’s moral and spiritual decline: erasing of Sabbath Day restrictions where Sundays became like any other day of the week; the errancy and irrelevancy of the Bible; arguing among churches/Christians about most anything, especially non-essentials of the faith; erasing of what used to be considered sin; an arrogant society with an overemphasis on sports stars and superstars in various professions.

The lyrics below of a song I composed in 1981, are so relevant for right now, July 4, 2021. Let’s recommit to make a difference for Jesus. He gave His all for me; I will give my best for Him. Let’s join together to be a difference for Jesus by standing up for Jesus, standing on the Word, standing against Satan, and standing firm.

I WANT TO BE A DIFFERENCE

1ST VERSE

AS NEVER BEFORE IN THE AGE OF THIS WORLD THE TIME HAS COME TO SHOW WHOSE SIDE YOU’RE ON;
FOR GOD’S PEOPLE IT’S TIME TO SPEAK OUT AND BE HEARD; WITH NO REGRETS I WANT TO LET MY STAND BE KNOWN.

CHORUS

I WANT TO BE A DIFFERENCE WHEN MOST OTHERS ARE GIVING IN;
I WANT TO BE LIKE JESUS; I WANT TO LIVE FOR HIM.

2ND VERSE

THROUGH HIS WORD FROM THE BEGINNING GOD’S MADE IT CLEAR FOR EVERYONE WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM THE CREATION HE HAS MADE;
IF YOU’RE NOT FOR ME YOU’RE AGAINST ME HE SPOKE THROUGH CHRIST, HIS SON;
IF YOU’RE ON GOD’S SIDE HIS WORD YOU WILL OBEY.

REPEAT 1ST CHORUS

3RD VERSE

BUT LIKE A ROARING LION THE DEVIL IS ALWAYS SEEKING OUT NEW PREY AND MILLIONS HAVE BEEN SWAYED BY HIS CUNNING LIES;
TO MAKE YOU THINK THE HOLY BIBLE IS OUTDATED FOR TODAY IS A SCHEME HE’S USING TO GET YOU ON HIS SIDE.

4TH VERSE

BUT THE WORD OF GOD IS NOT TO BE MISUSED AND COMPROMISED LIKE TODAY AS NEVER BEFORE IN HISTORY;
IF YOU STAND FIRM AND WON’T GIVE IN YOU’LL BE MOCKED AND CRITICIZED, BUT IN THE END THROUGH THE BLOOD OF CHRIST YOU’LL KNOW VICTORY.

CHORUS

I WANT TO BE THE DIFFERENCE IF ALL OTHERS ARE GIVING IN;
I WANT TO BE LIKE JESUS, I WANT TO LIVE FOR HIM.

FINAL CHORUS

DO YOU WANT TO BE A DIFFERENCE WHEN MOST OTHERS ARE GIVING IN;
GIVE FIRST PLACE IN YOUR LIFE TO JESUS, IF YOU WANT TO LIVE FOR HIM;
I WANT TO BE LIKE JESUS, I WANT TO BE A DIFFERENCE FOR HIM.

© 1981, 2021 Bobby Mullins

“WOMEN ARE LIKE CATS; MEN ARE LIKE DOGS”
(From a sermon by Dr. Bobby Mullins at Central Baptist Church, Oak Ridge, TN 081907)

WOMEN ARE LIKE CATS:

A common comparison used to illustrate how men and women are different uses cats and dogs, with cats representing females and dogs representing males.

Some characteristics of cats, that may be somewhat similar to women, is that:
They are finicky and picky and spend a good portion of their day grooming. Cats are moody. They can be totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They like to cuddle and rub against you.
They purr, and only when they are in a fight do they get loud with their screeching. Cats like to taunt their prey. I have observed our cat play and toy with a chipmunk for an hour without killing it. My wife and I usually try to free the chipmunk, and sometimes succeed, but our cat usually finds it again.
Cats leave hair all over the place, but other than that, they like to keep things clean, cleaning themselves and cleaning up after themselves when they use their litter box.
They don’t beg you for things by jumping on you or wagging their tail. They have penetrating eyes and seem to communicate with you through their quiet manner what they want you do for them. They are not very trainable animals who will go fetch the paper or chase the ball. You just won’t see a pack of eight cats hooked up together pulling a sled with a man guiding them as a means of travel through the snow. But, they have a way of getting done what they need you to do.

MEN ARE LIKE DOGS: 

What about dogs? How may men be somewhat like dogs?

As cats will taunt their prey for an extended period of time, dogs tend to consume their prey at once. Dogs like instant gratification. They want to please you and will do just about whatever you ask them to do. They like to be petted and told how good a dog they are. Throw them a bone or give them a dog biscuit, and you can get them to roll over or do other tricks. They will get the newspaper for you just for a snack or your praise. They will work for you if you simply make it worth their while and reward them for it.
They love to play. They will chase after a tennis ball you throw them over and over and over again.
They love to compete. If more than one dog is around, and you throw the ball, they all run at full pace to try to get it.
They are loyal. They’ll love you forever if you rub their tummy. It doesn’t take much to gain their affection.
Yes, they love to play. They love to eat. When you pour food in their bowls outside, they can hear you clear on the other side of the house with the air conditioning units humming next to where they are sleeping in the shade. They can hear you open food in another room of the house, and if the food is for you, they want some, even when they just ate a few minutes earlier.
That’s because dogs are great at begging. They will paw on you, and nudge you, and jump up on you just to get some food or to get you to pet them or praise them or play with them.
They do tend to leave their toys everywhere.
They put their noses and mouths on everything and then want to come up and lick you in the face. Yes, ladies, if you can overlook some of the ways dogs are because they’re dogs, you won’t find anything more lovable or loyal.

Are men like dogs? Well, they can be your best friend. Men are not that complicated. Like dogs can be trained to work such as being sled dogs, when their work is over it doesn’t take much to please them. Feed them. Play with them. Let them sleep. Then feed them again. Play with them again, and when you have more time to play with them, play with them more than usual. Let them get their sleep. And, give them time to themselves. I’ve noticed with our dog, and dogs in both yards next to us and behind us, that when they aren’t sleeping, they stay busy just moving around the yard. Sometimes, they bark at each other. Sometimes, they all bark at something together. They even howl together when the occasion lends to it. Dogs are a different breed of animal from cats. Dogs do chase cats. But, that’s not necessarily a bad trait when saying that cats are like women and men are like dogs. Just keep feeding your husband what he likes, keep playing with him the games he likes to play, and let him sleep when he needs to, and you’ll be the only cat he chases after. And, isn’t that what most every woman wants in a man? A husband whose attention, adoration, and affection is exclusively upon his wife.

Here at the end of January 2020 I am reflecting some more on 2019 as I look ahead to the remainder of 2020. I have pasted in below (in italics) a Facebook Post by Wanda that is a good summary of 2019 for us. I like how she worded my moving on as pastor of Fellowship by stating that there were “Ministry changes for Bobby and me that we were not expecting” which was a diplomatic way to put it!

I have been full-time in the ministry for almost 40 years and Wanda and I have never had an easy year. We have never had much breathing room financially even when I had reached a level at Central Baptist Church in Oak Ridge where I received a six figure income. Since leaving there in November 2008 and then coming to Fellowship in 2012 up to now, we have lived on less than half the income we were making in 2008. But, the Lord has seen us through and good friends like you have been a part of providing for us and helping us through. There has been some kind “drama” going on most of the time, not of our making (even though we got the blame for it sometimes), at every church where I have served. But, as just a handful of people could disrupt the peace in the church they could not destroy the presence of the Lord in those churches. It is friends like you who have been the bright spots for us and given us the motivation to keep on keeping on for Jesus. THANK YOU!

2019 has been a year of Victories and Challenges that I pray Jehovah God receives all the Glory. As the mountain background visually shows peaks and valleys – we have walked the winding road. Thank you to all our Prayer Warriors for walking through the road of 6 Heart Bypasses that Bobby journeyed through, Brandon’s hospital stay from dehydration, Ella’s broken wrist, Joey’s continuous back pain, Melody and Megan working towards their Degrees while working full time, Mallory and Rocky walking through 9 months of pregnancy to give us Browder Blue and big sister, Raelyn adores her Brother and Brantley staying the course about to turn 9 years old. Ministry changes for Bobby and me that we were not expecting but God Our Father knew and He has been Omnipresent.

I have used the word “through” as Jehovah God allowed all of my family to continue through His tunnel to the other side. 2019 is almost history and 2020 – here we come! Thank you to each one who prayed with us and for us. God Bless your love ones as well and may the favor of God rest upon you in 2020. Let us all join together to pray for America as it is a crucial time. Our grandchildren need us to pray for it’s their future and our responsibility. I am humbly grateful to God my Father and pray for His leadership as we walk through 2020 hand to hand and heart to heart. Love to each one of you!

You may donate to Back To The Basics Ministries, my full-time ministry now, by going to www.drbobbymullins.com and clicking on the Donate link or send a check to BTTBM, PO Box 32486, Knoxville, TN 37930. Looking ahead with great anticipation to what the Lord has in store in 2020!

Blessings To You,

Bobby Mullins

“Keep in the Word, on your knees, loving God, loving each other, building godly homes, worshiping together, sharing the faith, supporting the Lord’s work financially, living life abundantly”

This is the outline of a sermon I have not preached at a church but only on A Fresh Start TV Program.  It was first aired on April 13, 2010 on WVLR in Knoxville and was aired twice that week.  It has not been shown again on WVLR.  The sermon aired on A Fresh Start on WTWV in Memphis the first and second week (three times each week) in January 2013, and has not been aired again on that station.

Every week now I read or hear about things that have become issues in churches that are in no way representative of what God meant for a New Testament Church to be.  Too many churches have become ingrown, full of church members who are more concerned with their personal wants and desires being met instead of being committed to doing what God desires and wants us to do.

If any of the characteristics listed below are representative of a church, that church has “ingrown eyeballs.”  Were any of these characteristics in a church I pastored?  I wish I could say they weren’t, but I experienced firsthand being a part of a church with ingrown eyeballs a few times but did what I could do to help lead that church back to “20/20 vision spiritually.”  For most of the characteristics given below, I am thankful that I did not have to experience them firsthand but was enlightened about them from fellow pastors who did experience them firsthand.  I already have learned of more characteristics of churches with ingrown eyeballs than those listed below, so there will be a Part Two down the road.

THE CHURCH WITH INGROWN EYEBALLS

I. MORE CONCERNED WITH BEING MINISTERED TO BY THEIR PASTOR THAN BEING MINISTERS TO ONE ANOTHER, EXPECTING THEIR PASTOR TO DO THOSE THINGS THAT ANYONE ELSE CAN DO THAT KEEP HIM FROM DOING THE THINGS HE CAN DO THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN DO

II. MORE CONCERNED WITH THE RUNNING OF THE CHURCH AND RUNNING THE CHURCH THAN THE REIGNING OF CHRIST IN THE CHURCH AND OVER THE CHURCH

III. MORE COMMITTED TO TALKING MISSIONS AND EVEN TAKING MISSION TRIPS YEARLY OR EVERY FEW YEARS MORE THAN WALKING WITH THE LORD DAILY WHERE THEY LIVE AND LOCALLY IMPACTING THE WORLD AROUND THEM FOR CHRIST

IV. MORE FOCUSED ON THE FORMALITY OF THE WORSHIP SERVICES, GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS, AND GETTING IT OVER THAN MEETING WITH GOD, GIVING WAY TO THE SPIRIT, AND GETTING A WORD FROM GOD

V. MORE INTERESTED IN CHURCH AS THEIR SOCIAL ACTIVITY CENTER THAN A SPIRITUAL LIFE CENTER WHERE THEY ARE CONTINUOUSLY MOTIVATED TO GROW IN THE GRACE AND KNOWLEDGE OF JESUS CHRIST

VI. MORE ABLE TO DRAW SOME OF ITS LARGEST CROWDS EVER ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT, NOT FOR THE STANDARD PRAYER SERVICE MANY CHURCHES CONDUCT FAITHFULLY EACH WEEK, BUT FOR A BUSINESS MEETING DEALING WITH CONFLICT CAUSING ISSUES WHICH ENDS WITH THE WINNERS BEING THOSE WHO WERE THE MOST EFFECTIVE IN THEIR GETTING OUT THE VOTE CAMPAIGN

VII. MORE KNOWN FOR SPREADING GOSSIP THAN PROCLAIMING THE GOSPEL

VIII. MORE LEGALISTIC THAN WAS EVER INTENDED IN FOLLOWING THEIR CONSTITUTION AND BY-LAWS BUT WILL IGNORE AND EVEN CHANGE OR OVERRIDE THEM WHEN THE BY-LAWS ARE NOT TO
THEIR ADVANTAGE

IX. WILL NEVER ACCEPT THE BLAME FOR WHAT’S WRONG OR WHAT’S NOT RIGHT IN THEIR CHURCH BUT ALWAYS BLAME SOMEONE ELSE OTHER THAN WHERE THE PROBLEM REALLY IS WHICH IS WITHIN THEMSELVES

X. THE BEST PASTOR THEY’VE EVER HAD IS THE ONE THEY’VE NEVER HAD OR ONE OF THE PREVIOUS ONES THEY RAN OFF

Christians are among the most vocal today about what’s wrong with what they don’t like in our country, especialy regarding political issues, but it is time for “judgment to to begin at the House of God” (1 Peter 4:17).  We need to get the church back to what God meant for it to be from what it has become.

A reading of how the Lord dealt with His people over and over again in Old Testament Books like 1st and 2nd Kings and 1st and 2nd Chronicles reveals that God allowed pagan and corrupt political leaders to be over His people at times when they strayed from their dedication and obedience to God’s Word.  God’s purpose was not for them to put the blame for what was not right in their lives on the political leaders they disliked and what was wrong with those political leaders, but for God’s people to focus on what was wrong with them and to get their lives right with God.  Christians in America need to get their focus on what’s not right with our country off The White House and get it on what’s not right in God’s House.  From Capitol Hill to Calvary’s Hill is where we need to take our plight.

WHO HOO!

This past Monday I completed the 36th of 36 two hours sessions 3 times a week of cardiac rehabilitation. Woo hoo! When I went in for orientation the first week of July to cardiac rehab I could barely walk there from the entrance of Baptist Desoto Hospital to the Cardiac Rehab Center. After orientation, I had to be taken by wheel chair to the hospital entrance for Wanda to pick me up. I feel better right now than I have in years and plan to keep it that way. Thank you for your prayers and support throughout this ordeal dating back to heart bypass surgery on June 7.

PREACHING OPPORTUNITIES

I resigned from the church where I was pastor for seven and a half years back in August. After taking a little time off from preaching I am back at it now. Whenever a pastor leaves a church it is a time when some church members will leave, too. I have met with some of those former members now of the church I recently pastored for several Sundays at the local Hampton Inn for worship and to help them transition to another church. I have also preached for the past two Sundays at a church a few miles outside Hernando and will again. I have sent my resume to several churches that are searching for a pastor, especially in the Knoxville area, which is where Wanda and I would like to move back to. But, we are seeking God’s will where to serve next and are open to wherever He leads us.

UPDATING WEB SITE

I have had a web site since 2009, www.drbobbymullins.com, which was state of the art when it was launched. It has needed updating and now I am getting new info to the webmaster, little by little, and he is getting the changes and updates done as I get them to him. On the home page there is a link to ordering Divine Disciplines through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Walmart. Also, there is a link to my YouTube channel, which contains all 154 (soon to be 158) original programs of A Fresh Start plus most of the special music which has been on the programs.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR DONATIONS

There have been some first time givers and some who have been faithful givers have been even more generous in donating to Back To The Basics Ministries during this time of transition when I am not receiving a regular paycheck. I would love to be full-time with BTTBM so that I can be available to preach at churches of all sizes and for other special Christian gatherings. You may send a tax-deductible donation to: Back To The Basics Ministries, P.O. Box 32486, Knoxville, TN 37930 or go to www.drbobbymullins.com, click on the Donate link and follow the instructions.

Blessings To You,

Bobby Mullins
Back To The Basics Ministries
A Fresh Start TV Program

“Keep in the Word, on your knees, loving God, loving each other, building godly homes, worshiping together, sharing the faith, supporting the Lord’s work financially, living life abundantly”

“BETRAYED BY A FELLOW CHRISTIAN”
(WHAT SHOULD YOU DO ABOUT IT?)
PS. 55:12-14

This message is about one of the most difficult concepts to even think about. I initially dealt with this subject in a sermon when I was 64 years old, 54 years after becoming a Christian. It took me all that time to finally get to the point of addressing this subject. I sat down one day and prayed to the Lord that He would give me this message because I knew it would minister to so many Christians. It did not take me very long to put together this message as I pondered about the times in my life when I had been betrayed by a fellow Christian. As a pastor one of the most difficult things I have had to help church members deal with is when a fellow church member has betrayed them in some way. Sometimes, there is fault on both sides, but there are times when someone is really innocent and has not done anything, but, for whatever reason, someone gets bent out of shape with them, and then they betray them in some way.

I want to take a passage from the Scriptures of a Psalm credited to David. Was he ever betrayed, at times! He was a man who did his best to take care of King Saul, went out on the King’s behalf and killed the enemy’s most feared warrior, Goliath, and helped to lead Israel to victory over the Philistines. David was as loyal to King Saul as one could be. But, after one of Israel’s victories, the song was sung by the celebrating Israelites that “Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands” (1 Sam. 18:7) David did nothing to personally bring attention to himself or influence the people to do that, but it caused Saul to be jealous, even to the point that he wanted David to be killed. And David had to “run for his life” for several years.

From that point on his life, some of those whom David had thought were his friends and loyal to him, turned on him and sought his capture and death. He was a man who knew betrayal in other ways with his own son, Absalom, seeking to overthrow his father as king, and the commander of David’s army went along with Absalom. Psalm 55 records David’s feelings about being betrayed by one who was among his closest friends. This is just one example of several Psalms where David poured out his heart over the hurt of being betrayed.

“My enemies are not the ones who sneer and make fun. I could put up with that or even hide from them. But it was my closest friend, the one I trusted most. We enjoyed being together, and we went with others to your house, our God” (Ps. 55:12-14 CEV).

I have only preached this message three times. First, in March 2015 at the church where I am pastor, Fellowship Baptist Church in Hernando, Mississippi, later that Fall at a revival service, and on A Fresh Start TV Program, initially aired in June 2015 and several times since then. I have preached many sermons throughout the years, about 5000 in person and on television, but this message has received more responses so soon after it was preached than any other I have preached.

IN MOST CASES, THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THEIR MIND THAT CAUSED THEM TO BETRAY YOU; ONLY GOD CAN DO IT

The first point I want to make is one that we really don’t want to hear. It is something that most Christians would not think is the case. But, in my experience of dealing with someone who has betrayed me and from listening to others who have been betrayed by a fellow Christian, it is this: in most cases, there’s nothing you can do to change their mind that caused them to betray you; only God can do it.

We often try to take matters into our own hands because we should naturally want to learn why a friend has betrayed us. And often, you are not even aware of what you have done that has caused them to betray you. At one of the churches where I was the pastor, I felt that I had a good relationship with a man in the church, but got word that he was going to come and whip me! I thought what on earth had I done that made a member of my church want to come beat me up. I was small compared to that man but I just was not going to put up with that, even if he did whip me! So, I told the man who told me about it to tell the man who made the threat that he knew where to find me. I asked the man who told me if he knew why the man wanted to whip me. I won’t go into the full details, but it involved someone moving an item, displayed in the lobby of the church, which that man had donated to the church which was very special to him. Well, I had nothing to do with removing it, and was not aware that it had been removed. The reason it had been removed temporarily is that the church was in a renovation project and the staff member who was over the renovation removed the item so that it would not be damaged, was keeping it in his office until the renovations were done, then was going to place it back on display. For whatever reason, the man who donated it thought that I was going to have it put somewhere else. I was completely innocent. I did not know a thing about it until it was brought to my attention. How sad that a man got so upset about what he thought was going to happen, that he did not check out before responding, and resolved that he was going to physically assault his pastor. Sometimes, when someone gets upset with you it is over something you don’t know anything about and you have done nothing to cause it.

Adding to one person being upset with you and betraying you, when others take up the offense for the one who betrayed you because they felt you wronged them, that is usually the point of no return as far as a peaceful resolve. I have seen it happen over and over again where someone has been at conflict with someone that they will get things worked out but the ones whom they feel betrayed someone with just cause, they are the ones who cant’ get over it. I learned that others who only knew what the man who wanted to whip me had told them were on his side as far as his putting me in my place for it. And, it goes the other way, where there are backers to the one who was betrayed by someone and they are taking up for that person. It is usually based on one side of a story heard instead of getting all the facts, like the man who thought I had removed his item he dedicated to the church.

THE TRUTH DOESN’T MATTER TO YOUR BETRAYER(S) AND THEIR BACKERS; THEY WANT TO WIN

There is usually another accompanying negative result of a fellow Christian betraying you. When a fellow Christian gets to the point they will betray you and blame you as the problem, the truth doesn’t matter to them and their backers; they want to win. Even someone who may have been your long time friend, once they get to the point of betraying you, they don’t care about the truth and it possibly showing them that they were wrong. They just want to win.

This is the type situation response I have learned. You just keep your mouth shut, you move on, and live for Christ as you should. In time, God will take care of it. When your betrayer gets to the point they want to win, the reality of it is that nobody wins. It has been amazing to me how people will support someone, based off what they were initially told, but when they are later told that is not the way it happened, and it is not the truth, they don’t care. They are going to back the one who betrayed you no matter what. And usually, in the process of trying to win they want to hurt you and anyone else who supports you as much as possible. Unbelievably that is how it tends to be. I hear stuff today about something that comes up in a church and someone says “Well, ol’ so and so said this,” although they never said it. Somebody puts a bug in their ear that makes them think someone said something and they will believe an outright lie and repeat it without ever confirming its accuracy.

PRAY THAT GOD WILL PROTECT YOU FROM YOUR SUPPOSED FRIENDS WHO BETRAYED YOU AND ALLOW YOU TO BE DISTANCED AND APART FROM THEM – vv. 6-8,16-18

When you have been betrayed by a fellow Christian, there is a step that you need to take. In Psalm 55:6-8 David said, “I wish I had wings like a dove, so I could fly away and be at peace. I would go live in some distant desert. I would quickly find shelter from howling winds and raging storms.” The best thing to do when betrayed to keep you from reacting in a manner similar to your betrayer is to pray that God will protect you from your supposed friends who betrayed you and allow you to be distanced and apart from them. In this psalm and others where David is praying to God about the effects of someone betraying him, he always asks God to protect him.

When I was a youth minister in my early ministry days, something happened with some parents who did not like something I did or didn’t do. I cannot remember exactly what it was about. But, I had not purposely tried to do something to get people upset with me. Wanda and I were young in the ministry and it hurt us. We just couldn’t believe that somebody would be upset with us and negatively talk about us that way. Another woman who did not work with the youth, and was a godly woman and prayer warrior in that church, shared with us a Scripture passage that she said God gave her for us. She came by our house to see us and said, “God gave me this Scripture and He wants me to share it with you.” Over the years now, I have found that passage is one many ministers have had someone share with them that it was for them. It is Isa. 54:15-17 which says, “whoever assembles against you will fall, no weapon formed against you will succeed, and every tongue that rises in false judgment against you God will condemn.” That was written for a different time in prophecy but God uses those Scriptures today to minister to us. There have been other times through the years in ministry situations where Wanda and I have been reminded of that passage and we will personalize it for the ministry situation we are experiencing. We have found that in most cases we don’t have to do anything but go about trying to serve the Lord, maintaining integrity and the right character, and let God work it out on our behalf.

When it comes to distancing yourself from your betrayer, the Bible says that when someone has gotten so deep in sin and is unrepentant, you should not even eat a meal with them. You ought to have a Christian witness with them, but do not get involved on an intimate basis of some kind with them. So, you need to do your part in distancing and avoiding those who betray you until there is repentance on their part and they seek reconciliation and restoration. In First and Second Corinthians (1 Cor. 5:11-12; 2 Cor. 5:5-8) they dealt with a man who had an adulterous affair with his daughter-in law, living openly in sin with her. Paul wrote to the Corinthians that they needed to remove them from the church. But in Second Corinthians he said that what they needed to do now is to restore them back into the fellowship of the church because there had been repentance on their part.

Today on Facebook and personal web sites you punish yourselves when someone has betrayed you and you keep clicking on to the Facebook page of the one who has betrayed you or the web site of a church where there has been conflict that caused you to leave the church. You might read a comment and think that it is directed at you, although it probably is not. And you get all upset again over it. You have to be careful about that. Don’t continue to try to see what is going on with your betrayer but turn them over to God. It is amazing to me how often God will work on our behalf and we don’t even know about. The Lord is doing something behind the scenes and He is taking care of the situation.

GO TO YOUR GETHSEMANE AND POUR YOUR HEART OUT TO GOD AND WITH THE FEW WHO WILL GO THERE WITH YOU

Another step you need to make when one has betrayed you is to go to your Gethsemane and pour your heart out to God and with the few who will go there with you. To Christ Gethsemane was that special place where He would go and pray when He was in Jerusalem. Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane praying on the night He was betrayed by Judas.

Where is a special place for you? When you have been betrayed by a fellow Christian or anyone else don’t put it out publicly before others. I read too often now on Facebook posts where someone has been betrayed or gets upset with someone else, and although they don’t give a specific name, those who know them know who they are talking about. That is not the way to do it. You become like your betrayer and using the techniques they use. Go to your private place of prayer, that special place for you, and get on your knees and pout out your heart to God.

At the church I pastor, we put in a Prayer Garden at our church, about a hundred yards in a grove of trees from our main building. We have three benches upon a circular walkway with a Cross in the middle and plants surrounding the area. It could be a special place for our church members to go to when betrayed, hopefully not by a fellow church member, and meditate and pray and turn it over to the Lord. Now Prayer Gardens are not the norm for churches, but many have Prayer Rooms. Just find a special place, your Gethsemane, that you can get away to. I knew a lady who put a chair in one of her walk-in closets, prayed there, and made it a prayer closet.

The Lord knew ahead of time what lay ahead for him, when He went to the Garden of Gethsemane yet He prayed, “Not my will but Thine” (Matt. 26:36-40). Though it was as difficult as anything He ever experienced, He believed He would make it through. But, He prayed not my will but Thy will be done. He asked God to help Him through and He did.

You learn who you can truly trust when you are going through the valleys of difficulties and desperation. In the life of Jesus there came a point in His ministry, as recorded in John 6:66, that nearly all of those deserted Him who were with the Lord that day and heard His teachings about being the Bread of Life, with the exception of His disciples and closest followers. When He was in the Garden of Gethsemane on the night He was betrayed, who was with Him? Peter, James, and John. Now they fell asleep, but they were there with Him in the Lord’s great hour of need. They were the ones Jesus wanted with Him in the Garden of Gethsemane. When He went in to heal Jairus’ daughter, and the people mocked Him saying “She’s dead,” the Lord wanted Peter, James, and John with him.

I am thankful that there are some Peter, James, and John’s and Mary’s and Martha’s who have been in my life, with Wanda and me, who are the people whom we know are going to stick with us, whom we can trust, who will be with us in those difficult times. When you have been betrayed by a fellow Christian, they are the friends who will be there so let them be with you to encourage you and help you through.

GET OVER IT, MOVE ON BEYOND IT, AND BECOME BETTER BECAUSE OF IT

A final step to make when someone has betrayed you which does not sound like the most sensitive thing you want to hear is to get over it, move on beyond it, and become better because of it. I came across this example while studying about the topic of betrayal that exhorts the one who has been betrayed to take the “high road.” For instance, if a fellow Christian doesn’t say “hello” to you in church, do you think you should begin the process Jesus outlined in Matthew 18:15-17 where you confront them first about it and then go to others if they don’t respond how you want them to, just over something like you were offended because they did not acknowledge you? The answer is, “No, you should work on becoming more like Christ yourself and less like a little baby who is offended so easily. Mature Christians overlook many things that offend others.” When you feel betrayed, instead of letting it get to you, it is a time to grow up. Maybe that is not what you want to hear, but grow up and get over it. It’s part of maturing in the faith and as a person.

My daughter attended a church awhile back where she was with a group talking to the church’s pastor after a worship service, when they overheard a man getting onto the pastor’s wife because she had not said “hello” to the man. He was chewing her out. I like what the pastor did. He said, “Excuse me” and went over to the man and told him a couple of ushers were going to escort him to his car and not to come back until his attitude changed. I like that! There are times a fellow Christian who does not act like a Christian should at church needs to be told, “You need to walk out the door and do an attitude check and get right.”

So, get over it, move on beyond and become better, not bitter, because of it. Look for alternative ways to move on in fulfilling God’s will with others to help you do so. A Fresh Start TV Program and Back To The Basics Ministries was birthed because I was betrayed by some fellow church members. So, I moved on and ministered somewhere else and in another way. Instead of fretting over the betrayer thank God for the true friends you have who stick with you through thick and then, focus on the good new friends you make, and the better circumstances God brings to you. It was not easy for me to go through being betrayed by some fellow church members but as I think of the scores of new friends, the new situations that have happened, what they meant for evil, God meant for good. God wants to do that in your life. Remember, when you have been betrayed by a fellow Christian, only God is the one Who can truly do something about it. You maintain a positive, victorious attitude so that you can say with me, “Thanks be to You, O God, Who gives us the victory through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Fellowship Baptist Church, Hernando
Sunday PM Sermon – March 29, 2015